"Love" and Relationships

[americaneagle14]

When it comes to relationships and love, I, as well as several other people, have come to realize that there are several problems that need to be brought up and explained when it comes to the majority of our fellow role-players.

First, we need to define and explain this confusing word that is love. Love is a strong emotion that can be divided into several different categories, the major ones being :

Family
Friends
Significant others

Love in family generally comes naturally, usually prompted since birth when you become dependent on the people that take care of you. Love in this case is considered a bond of sorts that, even though at several points in time you may dislike certain members of your family, you love them regardless of their actions. Of course, there are many exceptions, but I do not need to list them as I'm sure you all can figure them out for yourselves.

Love between a friend is generally the same as love in the family; the exception being it may not be as strong or unconditional. Love between friends can be compared to loving a dog or a cat; they are your companion emotionally but cannot romantically or physically provide what you as a human need. This bond may develop fast or slow, but usually the longer the friendship and the more time spent with a friend, the stronger the bond even to the point where the friend can be considered family.

Love for a boyfriend or girlfriend is difficult to explain. There is no "love at first sight", only lust at first sight. There may be an immediate physical attraction, and maybe even a connection by means of the persona the person gives off, but genuine love for a significant other requires more than physical attraction and an at-once liking of the person. Genuine love between a couple requires a deep understanding of each other as well as a dedication. Most people in a relationship mistake love for infatuation, or "puppy love".

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Now, on to relationships.

When you first meet a person, get to know them. I can't stress this enough. Too many times have I seen that in a roleplay, in the very first thread after about twenty minutes, two people that just met became a couple.

Whatever happened to dating, I wonder? What happened to actually becoming friends before becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend? In real life, within twenty minutes of meeting a person, or even a few hours, I find it hard to believe you would go asking to become a couple. At most a person would develop a crush, not a deep caring for the person. Give it at least a week, people! And I don't just mean between threads with the characters, I mean of the characters getting to know each other.

And after you become a couple, do NOT rush into the whole love thing. Have fun with the relationship, make it light and playful before you get all deep and emotional. It's more fun to roleplay that way, and gives you more material to work with anyway. Roleplay out in a series of threads how your character begins developing feelings, make it seem like the emotions are legitimate and not like your characters spontaneously combusted into such a developed relationship.

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If you have any comments or something to add, feel free to do so. =].

[Brie Alley]

Honestly. I have to agree. Roleplayers need to know that this site isn't just for dating. It seems like everyone just thinks that. And they don't get the concept of this site. For example. All of the first years who fall in love. The first day they get here. Like Monica said. Give it sometime. Don't rush. Cause in real life. We don't fall in love right away. It takes time.

Moncia. I totally agree with you.

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[Selene Falicon]

Well, I don't necessarily agree with the whole 'There's no such thing as love at first site' thing, but the rest I agree. I mean, even if you thought you were in love the first time you saw someone, you wouldn't ask them out after 5 minutes (or less) of talking. It's just not going to happen. You still need to get to know the person.

[americaneagle14]

Brie: Thank you. =]. I was talking to a few people about this kind of thing and got fed up with it, so I made this thread. I'm glad more people agree with me.

Selene: First off, a site is a webpage. I believe you meant sight. Secondly, would you mind explaining to me how there could possibly be "love at first sight"? You can be automatically attracted to someone at first, but as far as loving a person, it just isn't possible. Love is different than an infatuation or liking a person.

[Selene Falicon]

1.) Sorry for the typo, I didn't read through my post again. 2.) I really don't know if the whole 'love at first sight' thing is true, but I think it's a great thing to believe in. I mean, maybe when you see someone, you just know. Maybe there's something in your brain that just makes it obvious or something, I don't know. I do know it's different from infatuation and lust, but maybe there really is such a thing as love at first sight. I mean, no one really knows.

[americaneagle14]

Well, it all depends on what your definition of love is. From my point of view, you can't love a person until you know them. Sure, you can have a 'feeling', an immediate attraction or whatever toward a person, but I think it's a bit brash to say that it would ever be considered love. Immediate feelings that you interpret as love might later fade and you'd realize how rash of a thought it was to consider that 'relationship' something that might last for a long time. Sure, it's a nice thing to believe in, but it's irrational and it's like building yourself up for something so fantastic that will never happen.

But this is all my opinion, keep in mind. I probably won't sway your mind to accept what I believe and I've said all that I need to, so I'm not going to say anything further.

[Kelly Evans]

This was a really good point to make, Monica. I whole heartedly agree with what you've said, especially since I make enough in-and out-of-character quips about the 'newbies' falling in love within one post of each other. It is stupid, I agree, because nobody can meet another person and know each other that well to call it love. Although, I agree with you too, Selene, in that love at first sight can occur.

It does depend on your point of view, and that debate is too complicated to be had, ever, but for the basis of role-play, especially since it, generally, comes from teenagers. Thirteen year olds don't fall in love at first sight, because they are thirteen. They fall into attraction, I'm not sure lust is the right word at that stage, and they know that they want to know that person better. A thirteen year old who figures themselves in love more or less isn't. But that's just my opinion.

So yeah, it's a very relevant, good point to make, because I know I roll my eyes and say 'oh here we go again', when threads encompass that kind of stuff. It doesn't make for very interesting role-play, or reading. That said, I've committed the sin myself with my younger characters, but I can justify it saying that they didn't act on anything, and it was more a slow, growing thing than love at first sight.

Good work, Monica, seriously.

[lottie]

So, I have a few questions about this love stuff. If you roleplay with a person you just meet, but the thread lasts like a month or more, then do you just assume that the characters have known each other that long and have hung out inbetween? Because if each thread was just like, one time meeting a person, then it would take forever in real life to RP with someone to become their boyfriend/girlfriend, because it might take like a year for you to make that many threads.

Do you get what I mean? I might be a tad bit confusing.

Cheers. c:

[Professor Hermione Potter]

lottie said:

So, I have a few questions about this love stuff. If you roleplay with a person you just meet, but the thread lasts like a month or more, then do you just assume that the characters have known each other that long and have hung out inbetween? Because if each thread was just like, one time meeting a person, then it would take forever in real life to RP with someone to become their boyfriend/girlfriend, because it might take like a year for you to make that many threads.

Do you get what I mean? I might be a tad bit confusing.

Cheers. c:

The site runs in real time. The day you make a thread is the day that the thread occurs on. However, the thread doesn't age progress. Whatever happens in the thread is on the day it was started. The only exception to this is when a thread is a direct continuation of a thread. It retains the date of the original thread and usually you need to link the threads for that to occur.

And yes, taking that kind of time is generally the idea. We run in real time.

[americaneagle14]

admin said:

lottie said:

So, I have a few questions about this love stuff. If you roleplay with a person you just meet, but the thread lasts like a month or more, then do you just assume that the characters have known each other that long and have hung out inbetween? Because if each thread was just like, one time meeting a person, then it would take forever in real life to RP with someone to become their boyfriend/girlfriend, because it might take like a year for you to make that many threads.

Do you get what I mean? I might be a tad bit confusing.

Cheers. c:

The site runs in real time. The day you make a thread is the day that the thread occurs on. However, the thread doesn't age progress. Whatever happens in the thread is on the day it was started. The only exception to this is when a thread is a direct continuation of a thread. It retains the date of the original thread and usually you need to link the threads for that to occur.

And yes, taking that kind of time is generally the idea. We run in real time.

Britt pretty much covered your question but I'd just like to add a thing or two in.

When going from one thread to another, a certain amount of time [obviously] has passed, but that doesn't mean that you have to assume nothing has happened in between the threads, since it's unreasonable to make a thread every day to make it known that your characters have done things together.

A few things to suggest, although I don't know if Britt really likes the idea, are that you could put a date at the top of your thread. If your characters in the first thread say they want to do something the next day, but the thread lasts for a while, then that's one solution, but it shouldn't be used too much.

Another thing is you could say in threads in the future that your characters have met or something of the sort, when you haven't actually made the thread. Although, this should be limited to very insignificant things such as a walk or dinner or something of the sort. If you want a significant event to happen during the time between the threads, it's best to role-play it out.

The journals are a great installment for when you want to say your characters did something without making a whole thread. But, remember in all this you should obviously consult the people you're including in these activities to avoid confusion and whatnot.

Does this help you at all?

[lottie]

Yep, thanks a bunch. [: I just thought it would be silly if someone would actually have to RP in real life for six months doing just a few threads to get to know another character. But, yeah, I get it. This cleared it up a bit. Thanks.

[frankie1992]

OMG! Can I just say that I'm in a rather long relationship with my curent boyfriend and before I spoke to him for the first time, I only knew his name. I spoke to him for an hour and a half, then I asked him out. And guess what. I loved him from the start. Love at first sight? Yup, it's real alright. Trust me. It does happen. Sorry for the rant. But it does happen. Maybe not for you guys, but definately for myself. I'm always with him, he's always there for me when I need him and I'm always there for him. At the minute, I'm scared to leave the house, i get bullied, I have 6 rumors about me at school and I've been threatened to get knocked out. So has he. He gets called all sorts of names related to him being a sexual offender. Which he isn't. He's been with me for all of it and we've been together for a long time. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT EXISTS. IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND MY BOYFRIEND. DUH!

[americaneagle14]

frankie1992 said:

OMG! Can I just say that I'm in a rather long relationship with my curent boyfriend and before I spoke to him for the first time, I only knew his name. I spoke to him for an hour and a half, then I asked him out. And guess what. I loved him from the start. Love at first sight? Yup, it's real alright. Trust me. It does happen. Sorry for the rant. But it does happen. Maybe not for you guys, but definately for myself. I'm always with him, he's always there for me when I need him and I'm always there for him. At the minute, I'm scared to leave the house, i get bullied, I have 6 rumors about me at school and I've been threatened to get knocked out. So has he. He gets called all sorts of names related to him being a sexual offender. Which he isn't. He's been with me for all of it and we've been together for a long time. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT EXISTS. IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND MY BOYFRIEND. DUH!

Good for you.

Like I said before, I don't believe in love at first sight, or romantic love after one meeting. In my opinion, what you've just stated to me works out in my mind that you are, or were at the time you met, under the that you loved him. Maybe you have a different and lesser image of love in your head, I don't know.

I don't know your personal life, and I'm not going to analyze it. I pretty much figure that you have a different definition and view of "love" as I do, and I don't really care what it is. A "long" relationship to you could mean a few months, whereas to me it means a few years, again, different definitions. And I honestly don't care how much you believe that love at first sight is real or not, no matter how many capital letters and exclamation points you have in your sentences.

Neither you or anyone else will change my opinion. =P.

[josie]

Think I have to agree with Monica on this one, I just don't understand how you can be in love with someone after just meeting them, you don't know them, you might be in love with the idea of being in love but actually be in love? It's such a strong emotion that you cant just switch it on after minutes of knowing someone, yea you can be attracted to someone, intensely so but love? I doubt it.

[americaneagle14]

By the way, love at first sight can't exactly "exist" since it isn't an item. It's a concept. =].

And, thank you, Josie. It's good to know I have more people that agree with me ^_^.

[trueone]

i have a real life boyfriend so this love and romance stuff wont be a problem for me but what about other kinds of relationships like with other students and teachers as well as other staff?

[americaneagle14]

trueone said:

i have a real life boyfriend so this love and romance stuff wont be a problem for me but what about other kinds of relationships like with other students and teachers as well as other staff?

What about them? Sorry, I don't know exactly understand what your question is.

You can develop friendships with students and staff, if that's what you're asking. =\ Sorry I can't say more than that unless you elaborate.

[mikashintomi]

I also have to agree with Monica. I don't see how someone could fall in love at first sight. I think that people may think that they have fallen in love, and will try to get into a relationship right away. Sometimes those people are lucky and are able to say they are actually in love with each other. It's more like people just get attracted to someone and the thought of it being love at first sight falls into their head. In other words I think 'love at first sight' is mainly just a strong attraction that someone translates into love.

What I just posted probably reads a little weird, and it may not be able to be understood very easily. I'm sorry if anyone has trouble understanding it. I sometimes post/say weird things.

[yanni]

I think I feel in love with my boyfriend at first sight. Well maybe. Um... by the way I'm female. Just to sort that out ;D
The first night we met we spent from 9pm until 5am sitting in my driveway talking about life, the universe and everything. He asked me out the next time we met up, and i said yes. About two weeks after we'd started dating, I moved in with him. Been with him now for a year. Don't know if it's love at first sight, but does show that someone can fall in love with someone real quick.

[americaneagle14]

Good for you.

I stand by my previous statements. Your definition of love and mine may differ. I didn't exactly say how long it takes to fall in love, since it differs from person to person, situation to situation, I just believe that the literal term, "Love at first sight" is a load of bull. I also believe that no one can fall in love within a day of meeting them. Or a week, for that matter.

Personally, I first realized that I truly actually loved my boyfriend a few months into the relationship, but I started saying it after the first month since I never really sat down and thought about it, although I don't doubt that I did love him that soon.

But with the majority of relationships, a month in that doesn't happen. Which is why I posted this saying that people on this site shouldn't have their characters fall in love after just a month, or before a month. Plus there's no way you can role-play out a month on this site anyway, and it'll just be more fun if you play around with the relationship instead of rushing into it =P.