Real or Not Real [Queety]

[Straw Buckett]

Straw sat.. legs bent up, back resting against the cold white stone, his face blank and unchanged staring at the clouds. His breath caught slightly in his chest and swallowed hard, he was surprised at the cold piercing effect that took over his heart so suddenly. Humans never think in the present, in the now. We all think of the past and wonder about the future. There was nothing he could change, there was nothing he could do and the best and only thing he could do was to simply breath and live on. Life moved on, nothing stopped in this world, you could freeze time but it still went on whether you were ready or not.

Straw tried his best to stay in the now, to close his eyes and feel his breath flow in through his nostrils and out again. He’d concentrate on the sound around him, try not to picture anything but all too quickly he was drawn back to what had been and what was to come and then be was in trouble again. The more the memory grew, the more frustrated he would grow. There was nothing he could do to forget and it pained him that he longed to forget so badly. He was full of regret and that frustrated him, wishing he didn’t feel that way. He wondered if he was simply a stupid fool, blind to her clear as day ways. Straw struggled to understand how a person, whom sworn to your heart that they loved you, could be so cunning and deceiving, false and bitterly unkind. How a best friend who deep down was probably not even a friend at all? Did she feel sorry for him? Did she pity him? Was she simply bored and needed a couple of years attention because no one else but him would give it to her? Straw’s mind constructed many scenarios of manipulation, all of which confused him and made him question if she had really ever loved him at all.

Straw could only blame himself for trusting her so with his heart, this was his fault for thinking she was his one. Straw should have known better and so he was not angry at Kat but more himself for believing she could change. How many times had he forgiven her? Too many to count and now she had drained him of everything he had and left him exhausted. There was nothing left for Kat inside Straw. Not even her name did anything to him, she was now just another face in the blank crowd. “Wonder what you’d say if you were here?” he mumbled pulling a grass stem from the ground and twisting it in his fingers. It had been forever since he came to visit Joshua Chambers but life was busy and he had grown slack. Straw flicked the grass steam away and reached for his nap sack. Reaching inside he pulled out two brown bottles, cracked them both open and placed one on top of his friend’s tomb stone. “Cheers,” he said and clinked his beer with the other stationary bottle. Straw sat back and looked up at the dimming sky. “Should’ve known better…” he sighed taking a sip and lowering his legs. The sun was beginning to set and was a mix of purple and orange. “You reckon I made a mistake marrying her didn’t I?” and he took another sip before looking to the side of the tomb stone. Straw eyes lingered on the inscription before turning back to look up at the sun. Straw took another sip and sighed, “I don’t know what to do… What next?"

[Queety White]

It was amazing how just a few simple words can change your entire course of life. The confirmation of a disease, the news of a loved one's death, the request for marriage, the acceptance of a job, the news of the arrival of a child, "I love you," "I never want to see you again," "I'm sorry," "Make sure he is okay..."

The small apartment Queety had been living in for years, familiar with its paintings on the walls, the cats that claimed areas as their own, the bed she had slept in and the desk where she work, the castle where she called home since she was fourteen years old, the only world she wanted to be part of, seemed to be permanent. Nothing in the world could possibly change the life she was comfortable with, the life she would thought would never change. But a few simple words were going to take away the entire life she knew was comfortable with. Soon she would leave this home, this world, this way of life. Of course, at the time, she had no idea this would happen.

The owl flew through the open window and landed right in front of her. She was sitting at her desk, planning a lesson when the owl arrived. Queety looked up at it with a smile and took the small note that was attached to its leg. She pointed to a small bowl of owl food by the window she always kept out for the birds, high up where the cats couldn't reach it. The owl flew over, had a little snack, and headed off somewhere else. Meanwhile, Queety opened up the note, her smile instantly fading.

Find Straw. Make sure he is okay.

It was hastily written, the handwriting so messy that Queety could not recognize it. She frowned, not understanding why this could note could have possibly fallen into her hands. Queety began pacing the room, trying to put the pieces together. Perhaps, because Straw was an auror, he had gotten into some predicament with dark forces. Then why would she, of all people, be sent to come to his rescue. Queety was a klutz, only efficient in enough magic to survive. Any conflict with dark, and obviously more powerful, wizards would probably lead her to light her hair on fire by accident before she even caused a scratch on the enemy. She was much better at communicating and teaching others, hence her job as History of Magic professor and not something like DADA or Charms. If it were some sort of auror business, they would have sent for someone else.

So someone needed Queety to find Straw not to protect him, but to make sure he was okay in another sense. Queety scratch her head, wishing this mysterious notegiver had been more specific on their intentions. Did she need to talk to him about something? Was it an emotional burden that she, as one of his best friends, could heal just by finding him and being there with him? But what could that burden be and where could she find him?

Straw was a strong kid, but when he needed help, he would always lean on his friends. But which friend would he talk to? He was obviously not here with Queety. He could probably talk to his wife about it, since that's what married people do, they are supposed to depend on each other. Perhaps he went to see Kelly about whatever was wrong. But then why would this worried notegiver ask for Queety to find Straw? If Straw was missing, who would he have gone to?

That lead Queety on a trip to a cemetery that held the tomb stone of Joshua Chambers. She wasn't sure how she reached upon that conclusion, but she just felt by instinct that Straw could perhaps be here, talking to his old friend. And her instinct was right. She saw him sitting on the ground in front of Joshua's grave she moved faster, hoping he could explain what this strange note was about. But she stopped suddenly when she heard his words, "You reckon I made a mistake marrying her didn’t I?" She froze, hoping he did not notice her yet. She did not know what was wrong but the look on his face told her that this was serious.

She did not know why she was the one who was supposed to help him, make sure he's okay.

[Straw Buckett]

but If you loved me
why did you leave me

take my body
take my body

It didn't take him long to spot her. He wondered how long she'd be standing there for and if she'd heard him talking to Josh. He found her eyes and for the first time in the last 48hours felt a slight prickle behind his eyes. It was her face, she didn't know or maybe she did but here she was. She had found him, she knew him so well, she probably loved and cared for him more then the rest and Straw found his insides weakening at the realisation.

He gave her a weak smile and nodded for her to come over to sit. His face was dry and blank. It was an odd feeling to have so much love for one person, years of love in fact, and how quickly it could leave you. Perhaps it had taken Straw longer than the average Joe but for the first time he felt he was finally waking up to himself and seeing what everyone else was. He had no love left inside him for Kat, she wasn't worth his tears, his effort or his anything. The only people who deserved his love were his children and true friends. No one deserved to be treated like this and he wondered why he put up with it for so long.

"It's over," he sighed then took another sip. "She slept with him," and by 'him' he knew Queety would know. "Just couldn't let it go, had to push it, had to reach up and eat that dam apple," He said making reference to Eve and Satan with scrunched fists. Straw looked back to Queety, his eyes painfully connecting with her own and he was sure he would loose himself soon if he looked too long. He paused then turned away again, "I'm just..." His voice was tired and full of disappointment, " I'm just over it, I really don't understand how someone could do this to another? To their husband…" he frown into his beer and took a few more sips. "How could she go about it this way? You know I’d never do that to her..right?" And made the mistake of looking at her once more. He blinked severly and his voice broke a little. "And even if I wasn’t happy.. I would've gone about it a different way. Did she ever love me..at all? Who the hell was I to her? Whats wrong with me?!" And his head fell. He just didn't understand and yet he knew Kat best which made him understand more then he could fathom.

'cause you brought out the best of me
a part of me I'd never seen
you took my soul wiped it clean
our love was made for movie screens

[Queety White]

He knew she was there but she still did not move or speak. She stood there, unsure of what to say or what was wrong. When he looked up at her, even though his face was expressionless, she could see the pain in his eyes and knew whatever had happened was serious. Her throat felt dry. Even if she wanted to ask him what was going on, she could not find the words. So she just stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to speak.

And when he finally did, and she made the connection to who he was that Straw was referring to, she felt her eyes watering. It did not surprise her, unfortunately. She was friends with all the parties involved, she knew their personalities and their stories. She would not have wanted or expected something like this to happen but she was not surprised when it did. And suddenly, she felt different. Her hands clenched into fists and she began shaking, feeling like something inside her was ripping through her. It was weird. She should not be feeling suddenly so torn and angry and upset at the news. It was not like it was happening to her. It was happening to Straw. Perhaps it was some sort of telepathy that only best friends could feel, that one could sense the pain that the other was feeling.

She was angry at Kat. Angry at Cole. But most of all, she was hurting for Straw. And tears began to creep out of her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She still could not speak but she listened to Straw, crying harder. Her throat still felt closed up. She did not know what to say. Words like It'll get better... or She's a beyotch anyway! would not suffice. She couldn't just put a bandaid on it and they could go on their merry lives. Who knew what was going to happen in the future? Queety might have been good at Divinations back when she was a student but that definitely did not help her now. She had to just do what she could in the present.

She fell onto her knees in front of Straw. She then leaned forward to wrap her arms around Straw, not caring that she knocked the bottle in his hand to the ground. She held him tight, crying into his chest. "There's nothing wrong with you, Straw," she managed to say between sobs. "There's nothing wrong at all."

[Straw Buckett]

You never know how strong you truly are till you have no other choice but to be strong. You can be brave, you can stand solid and show the world you don't care. You can pretend to avoid it completely through a smile, a drink or by just simply disappearing for a while. But living, moving forward, accepting the bad and taking the next breath, that was the hardest part. Nothing prepares you for this, it just happens and you have to deal with it.

Straw had experienced this before, too many times. He was tired, he had fought six years to keep her and he had no fight left inside him anymore. So he sat there, an empty shell, avoiding the staring eyes, being strong because that’s what his children needed. Straw could be tough and Straw could be brave. He wouldn't let Kat or Cole get him down and he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. But when he felt Queety wrapped her arms around him and fell into his chest crying, a feeling new took hold of the man.

To be held, it was a whole new feeling in itself. It was like she was like morphine, taking his pain away and helping him to breathe freely. Straw pressed his head against hers, welcoming Queety in. It was good to see someone else being upset for him especially when Straw didn't have it inside him to cry anymore. It was sweet how much she cared and loved him. Straw could never see Kat crying for him like this, she had never held him like Queety was. Straw hugged Queety back, silently appreciating having her in his life. He was lucky to have her, it made him want to cry but he couldn’t. Kat wasn’t worth crying over. He was too exhausted to cry and too many tears had already been shed in the past.

“Thanks Queety,” he murmured, “You’re truly the most amazing person,” he smiled. “How’d you know I was here?”

[Queety White]

She felt his arms go around her and began to cry a little harder. She did not mean to. She wanted to be strong and help him but she could not help that emotional instinct. She held him tighter, that was all she could give him. She did not know what else to do in this situation. But maybe that was all he needed.

She eventually pulled away for just a moment to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry," she managed to mutter. "I didn't mean to start crying. I just... oh Straw!" She collapsed forward again into the hug. "I'm so sorry about this. I wish I could do something to make it better." As much as she believed what she said, the words felt empty. There was no turning back time. The deed was done. There was nothing she could say or do to get rid of the hurt he was obviously feeling.

Dammit! Why won't he cry? she wondered. She looked up at him, his eyes not even shedding a tear. She would have been completely torn apart inside, unable to function and would have just stayed in her bed crying if she were in his situation.

You don't have to be strong all the time...

"I, uh, a little bird told me," she answered him, not lying but not telling the whole truth. "But don't worry about it. The point is I'm here now and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay."

She pulled herself away from his embrace and sat down next to him. "Where are the kids right now?" She silently prayed to ever god she could think of that they were okay right now and that they would be able to handle all of this and what was going to happen with their parents.

[Straw Buckett]

Straw smirked as she apologised, “It’s ok,” he reassured and reached out and placed one hand on the side of her head. And when she began to cry again Straw pulled her back in for a hug as she semi collapsed back into him. Her held her tightly, “You’re doing more then I could ever ask for.” And he truly meant that. Her grieving was a healing process for him that he didn’t realise he needed it till it was happening. Straw’s body was a mix of shock and disappointment that it didn’t know how to react. It was more like he was so used to it that he found himself numb for finally finding the courage to finally walk away from it all. Straw was never going back and he was sure no one would really believe him to start with till they realised he was serious.

“I’m… I’m alright,” he sighed knowing she wouldn’t accept this answer. He wondered who had sent her, possibly Kelly he suspected but the two were barely back on speaking terms so he wondered if she was too uncomfortable to come see him. Straw wondered if she was with Kat but he wondered why Kat would need any comfort? He’d left her and now she could live happily ever after with Cole without having to sneak behind his back. Wasn't this what she wanted? Just the thought of how many times she’d possibly done this to him without knowing made him sick, he didn’t want to know. Queety quickly drew him back into the world thankfully.

“Um they’re with my mum, she took them shopping yesterday and I made sure they slept over so I could.. have a date night with Kat.. but she never turned up and I woke up in our dinner,” Straw said rather bluntly feeling the an uncomfortable lump form and disappear in his throat. He swallowed hard once more and continued, “I saw them for a little bit last night and explained to mum what had happened. She’s offered to look after them a little longer while I sort myself out… I’m just glad she has them.”

A new thought popped into his head. “Move in with me” he announced quiet suddenly, “There’s nothing left for me back there and I need the fresh start.” He said now looking Queety right in the eye rather seriously. “Come help me, I know the kids will take a bit of getting used to but I’ll take care of them mostly, as usual,” this last comment more directed to himself.

He couldn’t imagine going back to the flat, there was nothing for him there and nothing there he wanted. Kat could have it, it’s all she was going to get out of him anyway. Straw had strong plans to keep her away from the kids as best he could, he would not have her causing anymore trouble.

[Queety White]

[[ooc: FYI, I don't know who sent the note. We can figure that out at later. haha!]]

She knew he was not "all right" but it was enough of an answer for now. These sorts of things took time to get over. She took a deep breath, trying to control her tears, as she listened to his explanation of where the kids were. She was glad that the kids were safe and away from Kat for now. She could feel the anger rising inside her chest. How dare Kat not only cheat on her husband, but do it when she had planned to have a date with him?! That goes so much lower than the standards of being a decent human being! She looked down at her fists, which were clenched and shaking slightly as the anger built up. She was going to have to give that girl a piece of her mind!

Move in with me.

Queety hesitated, looking up at Straw. The anger suddenly disappeared as fast as it had come. The permanency of what he said kept her from answering right away. If he had said something along the lines of "Help me take care of the kids for a while" or "Can you stay over every once in a while?" she would have instantly agreed to do the job and more. But moving in meant she would actually be living with him. She would have to leave the castle. Not that she could not do her job. The ability to apparate, though she was not the best at it, could be improved so she could easily commute back to the school. Though she was not even sure if the school would allow that. She would have to leave the small apartment in the castle she had always known.

Not that she would not have fun being Straw's roommates and getting to be with the kids, who she loved dearly, all the time. And she knew that she couldn't just leave him taking care of the kids by himself. He was a working man! It would be a weird adjustment. She was used to babysitting them once in a while but never actually had to help take care of them. But it was an adjustment she was sure she could make.

She stared Straw dead in the eye. There was really no option. She couldn't just leave him. She had to be there. She knew that much.

"Fine," she nodded. "But some of my cats get to come with me."

[Straw Buckett]

Okay maybe he was a little too forward about it and should have asked her a different way but that just wouldn't be Straw. He was a spontaneous guy, get an idea in his head and he was determined to follow it through. Straw loved a little adventure and what better way to distract himself then move in with his bestfriend.

Straw watched the emotions change on his friend's face. She was always so animated, another reason why he loved her so. Queety was the perfect choice, Straw would admit he hadn't thought it through but what was there to think about? They were bestfriends, she loved the kids, kids loved her, no doubt they'd have fun together and mentally she'd be there for Straw too. Straw didn't want to lean on her but a little company round the house would probably help the healing process faster.

[/i]"Fine, But some of my cats get to come with me."[/i]

"Really?" Straw was stunned, he didn't expect her to answer him so quickly and surely. "You sure you don't want to think about it more?" The idea actually really excited Straw, it was something else to think about and although it didn't completely make him forget Kat's betrayal, it did make him like not all was lost. "And yeah," he shrugged, "bring the Cats, more the merrier I say," Straw nodded and pulled his nap sack back over. He reached inside and pulled out another two more bottles then handing one to Queety, Straw opened his. "Cheers then," he smiled and went to clink Queety's bottle before he quickly withgrew it, "Hang on, how many cat's are we thinking?" and arched his eyebrow playfully.

[Queety White]

She probably should have thought it out more and planned ahead and weighed the pros and cons. But it was obvious that she wouldn't be a good friend and a good person if she had said no, so there was no point in having him wait for an answer while she contemplated it. She shook her head. "Nope, I don't need any time to think about it."

Besides, it would be a lot of fun being with the kids all the time. And being roommates with Straw would be quite a lot of fun too. She can only imagine the fun shenanigans they could all get into. One of the sad parts about being an adult was that their jobs kept them from seeing each other as often as they would like. Now there was no excuse. And the more Queety thought about it, the more excited she got.

She took one of the bottles from him, clinked it and tilted her head back for a sip. She stared up at the sky for a moment as she thought... and counted. "Well, a lot of cats have sort of taken residence at my place because I provide them food, but I'm pretty sure they belong to the students even though I probably see them more. Then I have a few that are too old and wouldn't be able to handle a long trip to a new home. They'd be happier spending the rest of their days in the castle that they had known all their life."

Queety laughed. "Sorry, it just seems that over the past couple years, I just kept collecting them. I'm like a crazy cat lady. I know, it's gotten bad." She took another sip. "I'll only bring two, Symphony and this little kitten that I can't bare to part with. He's so young and needs taking care of. I just found him recently. He's a sweetheart."

She looked back up at Straw. "You're probably judging me," she said, blushing. "I know you are."

[Straw Buckett]

Straw knew she had a lot of cats but not that many. He raised a suspicious eye brow in her direction as she rattled off about them. “You are the crazy cat lady” he teased, amused by her collection.

"You're probably judging me, I know you are."

Straw didn’t say a thing. He just stared, a crook smile etched across his face and nodded his head, “Yes… yes I am” but soon his lips could not contain his amusement and he began to chuckle. He was sure she would hit him soon. “No, that’s fine” he said shaking his head. “Kids’ll love it! Could be worse. Logan tried to hide his eggs inside the linen cupboard a month ago. I think they were giant goose eggs to be precise” Yes his dear cousin had tried to convince him, even attempted to hide them but Straw was on him like a fish in water. What was he thinking? Arh but what would Straw’s life be like without Logan’s crazy shenanigans. “eh they’re gone now”

There was a long pause before Straw turned back to look at Queety, “Have I ever told you why we became friends White?” Straw asked pausing to reminisce for a few moments. “I can’t remember exactly when but for at least a good month, like every day, be in the library, walking to class or in the Great Hall, I would see you. Guaranteed, at some point in my day, I would come across you. You were everywhere!” smiled Straw as he chuckled to himself with his head now leaning back on the tomb stone and gazing up at the darkening sky.

“You always had a smile on your face.” And he tilted his head to glance at her slightly. “You were always happy! It took me a good week to get your name you know. I studied who you were friends with and purposely tried to be in the same place as you so I’d have some excuse to get to know you… bit of a stalker really.” This was true. Straw struggled to remember the exact details but Queety was a face that shone from the crowds. A beacon of something more , something that he was missing and wanted. Who’d have thought that he’d end up needing it more than anything else. It was with the help of Lulu Mercin that Straw finally gained his first introduction. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that before. I was actually rather nervous to meet you the first time. I tried so hard to play it cool, I honestly thought you wouldn’t like me” he laughed thinking how strange it would be for someone to tell him that in 5years time he and Queety would be inseparable.

“You’re a cool chick White. Always were, always will be. I’m glad we’re friends.” And he leaned over and rested his head on her shoulder. “Seems my plan worked out better then I originally thought.” Straw had always intended to befriend Queety, one way or another he was going to get into her inner circle of friends. He just hadn’t planned on her becoming one of his most treasured friends, which was a disguised blessing in itself.

“Remember when I dressed up as a girl and tried to spy on your quidditch team?” he grinned. “And as I recall my disguise worked like a charm. Fooled the lot of you! But you had to go and be a retard and fall off your broom. Spoilt everything!” and he pushed her playfully laughing. The world just seemed to disappear with Queety. For now Straw had completely forgotten about the last 48hours. He was blissfully unaware of why they were here and what was to come when they left. She was so easy to talk to, she always made him smile and always, without question, loved and backed him up when he needed her most. “You’re my best friend White, you know that right?”