Secrets Secrets Are No Fun (503)

[Queety White]

It was a rather quiet night at the Buckett-White flat and Queety was going to soak up every last possible second of it. The kids would be coming back from Australia tomorrow morning after a long vacation at Hyacinth's place. Queety missed them dearly. In the past 2 and a half years that she had been living with them, she grew to love the kids as if they were her own, but having them away was a welcome break. Being an auntie was exhausting when you lived fulltime with 3 five-year-olds. She celebrated her last night of freedom by taking a long, hot shower. She had finished cleaning herself long ago and was just standing, letting the water fall on her body. She felt relaxed and clear headed and took the time to reflect on all the things that had been going on in her life that lead her to this spot at this moment. Finally, she shut the water off, as the steam in the bathroom made it too difficult to see much of anything. 

After drying off, she wrapped herself in a towel and made her way into the living room. She saw Straw sitting on the couch, looking more relaxed than usual. She was grateful for it. She was not sure what had been stressing him more recently. He refused to tell her whenever she brought it up. It bothered her that he had not come to her for help or comfort. They never kept secrets from each other. But today he looked more relaxed. Maybe it was because he was going to see his kids again tomorrow. Maybe it was the beer on the table in front of him that he was having. Or maybe (she hoped) it was because whatever had been bothering him was finally solved.

Whatever it was, when he was relaxed, it made him look even more handsome than usual.  

"You wanna braid my hair?" she asked. Without waiting for an answer, she sat down on the floor in front of him. She knew the answer. It had become a regular thing for the two of them. She loved the feeling of his fingers through her hair. They were coarse from all the hard work he did, but when they braided her hair, they were gentler. 

[Straw Buckett]

Everything is still, the moon is high, the rain has stopped, there is little wind and the temperature is a comfortable 17 degrees. After a day of catching up Straw sat on the couch, sipping on a beer and deep in thought over the days events. He runs over the conversation with Hermione over and over, reliving how unprepared he was and grimacing at her reaction. Straw knew he could have handled the situation much better but there was only so many ways you could tell someone that their dead spouse was in fact alive and had been living in prison for the past 8 years, framed and magically disfigured to an unrecognizable state that no one had believed him when he claimed to be said dead spouse…. The idea was preposterous, ridiculously absurd and yet so very, very true for his dear old friend. It gave Straw rest to know he’d finally told someone about it, hopefully Josh wouldn’t tear Straw a new one for the way he handled telling his wife. Straw had done what he had to whether Josh or Hermione liked his method or not, Straw had taken the necessary steps needed so that when Josh did finally approach Hermione she wouldn’t kill him on site (thinking he was an imposter as she most likely would). This relaxed him slightly however there was the pressing matter of breaking the law and how we was going to tell the woman he deeply cared for how much trouble he was in.

Straw reached out and took a well-deserved sip on his beer as a still steaming Queety, in just a towel, approached him and sat between his legs asking for her hair to be braided. Straw would never freely volunteer it but he enjoyed playing with her hair. It was always so soft and smelt amazing to him. As she rests between his legs, Straw leans forward and sweeps her hair to one side leaving the right of her neck exposed. Straw leans down till he is millimeters from her ear, “Your wish is my command,” he whispers gently and places a few light kisses on her bare skin. He begins to divide her hair into three equal parts and starts to weave. “Do you think they knew?” he props wondering out loud about their drinking session with Kelly, Kat and Carina. “I have to admit, I found it incredibly hard not to hold you close but you’re partly to blame I think, you know that top is my favorite and what it does to me when you wear it! I hop you realize that you’re making it incredibly hard to keep the friendship charade up!” he laughs as he gradually braids her hair. “I think if we’re going to keep this a secret we have to set a few ground rules. Rule number one…” he pauses to think, cocking his head to the side and looking upward. “No perfume!”

[Queety White]

"Oh come on, Buckett," Queety chuckled. "I could be wearing a giant clown suit and you'd still find me attractive somehow." She sounded composed but the feeling of his lips pressed lightly on her skin was still leaving her with goosebumps. It was strange that after all this time, the touch of his skin was still having this effect on her. 

She could not pinpoint exactly the moment that they had become... whatever it was that they were. Definitely much more than friends. They had crossed too many lines for this to be more than just friendship. It was a blurring of events. When she had first moved in with him and the kids, their friendship strengthened. They both had to focus on taking care of the kids and Queety had to make sure to take care of Straw. And then as time passed and they grew comfortable with their situation, jokes were made, flirting ensued, but neither of them were serious. Until some point they did become serious. It became a point when every touch would cause her to shiver. When her smile would cause his heart to beat faster. When they first kissed and then crossed the line of no return. And now they were here, being something...

"To be honest," she said quietly. "I think they do know. I could see it in their eyes."

They kept it secret from everyone, this relationship Queety and Straw had cultivated. At first it was because of how awkward things would be if word ever got to Kat. It was already awkward enough that Queety played pretend-mom for the kids and in fact saw them more often than their birth mother did. If she revealed that she had started a relationship with Kat's ex-husband on top of that, their already fragile friendship would completely shatter. And so Straw and Queety pretended to be friends until it just became habit to keep a secret. Then it felt like it would be more awkward to say anything. And before they knew it, almost a year had passed since their kiss that started this all. 

She sighed, closing her eyes and trying to let the feeling of his fingers through her hair relax her. "I don't know why I'm so afraid to tell them at this point. Keeping secret the way I feel about you gets harder and harder every day." 

[Straw Buckett]

Straw quickly realized that Queety was not in the mood to banter with him tonight. If five years of fatherhood had taught him anything, it was how to go from joking around to serious with ease, and judging by her voice, Queety wanted to be serious with him for a moment. Straw was unsure whether there was some subtext behind her words and if she thought he was ashamed to tell everyone about their new relationship. “Afraid? Why on earth would you be afraid? Not of Kat I hope?” As he spoke gradually her hair began to take shape, he was careful not to pull too tightly, Scarlett always seemed to think he was too rough towards the end.

“You know I’m not ashamed of us right?” he said after a moments pause, “This whole secrecy thing was never a forever thing, I’m not really sure why it started in the first place except that we weren’t sure what to call it and the last thing I want if for you to feel like I’m trying to hide you because it’s quiet the opposite,” said Straw as he finished her braid and tied it securely in an elastic. With his hands now free he put all his weight on his feet, pushed the couch back slightly which created a gap for himself to wiggle down behind her on the floor. He tenderly wrapped one arm around her torso and another reached over the top of her right shoulder so he hand her in a harness grip. “I want the world to know that you’re my girl,” he grinned and again kissed the back of her neck, this time pulling her closer up against his chest. “Why don’t we tell them next time we see them? You and the kids are my everything,”

Straw had always cared deeply for Queety but that was because she was his best friend. They had been housemates for the past four years and with that grew a deeper connection between the two. He could never really pin point the moment things began to change between them but inside him grew a new burning desire to close the gap between them during dinners and normal home life. He found himself dreaming of her and yearning to hold her closer. She’d always been there for him, always loving and accepting who he was and never causing him the slightly ounce of pain. She was more to him now than ever and with these new feelings bought a new type of caring, respect and devotion; one he had never really expressed to her yet. “You’re my everything Queety, I love you!”

[Queety White]

The younger version of herself would have given everything to be in the position she was in right now. His arms around her, his kisses on her neck, the sound of his deep voice so close to her ear. She relaxed into his chest. Never did she imagine that the boy she had a crush on in school, the man who broke her heart on several occasions, the best friend she would always forgive, and the person she had always loved was finally saying the words she had wanted to hear since the day she fell in love with him. And now that he had, she did not know how to respond. She turned to face him, their noses nearly touching. Looking up into his bright blue eyes, she had to use all of her strength to not let her own eyes water. She then leaned in and kissed his lips, letting it linger for a few moments. 

"And I love you," she whispered, their noses still touching. "You mean the world to me, Straw." 

She sighed and turned back around so she could lay against his chest. "I feel guilty and selfish," she admitted. "Like I don't deserve to have you. Funny right? I've wanted this for so long and now that I have it, I feel embarrassed to say that I'm happy. But I know I shouldn't be embarrassed. I know...

"And yeah, I really am afraid of Kat," she admitted. "I feel like I've already taken her place in the triplets' lives. I just don't want to keep stepping on people's toes. I know that you guys have been done and over with for so long but sometimes I can't help feeling like I'm taking a place that should have been hers. Not to mention that it's against the rules to date your friend's ex," she added with a laugh. 

All joking aside though, it was rather complicated now that their friendship had evolved into a romance. When Straw had gotten married, Queety had worked so hard to get over him and enjoy the deep bond they had with each other as friends. She had accepted that what she had wanted for them was never going to happen. She had started seeing other guys, even after she and Straw moved in together. But those relationships just never worked out. And then things had started to change and she was pulled back in. Perhaps she should have resisted more and thought about the consequences of their actions. But now it was too late. She was way too deep into this that she had to just accept it. 

"You're right," she said quietly. "We owe it to them to tell them the truth. I'm just a huge coward and don't know how they're gonna react. I'm not really that brave you know. There's a reason why I was never sorted into Gryffindor. What if they get mad at us for keeping it a secret for so long?" 

[Straw Buckett]

As she rotated in his arms Straw couldn’t resist grinning stupidly as she made the cutest little face at him. As she kissed him he pulled himself closer to her, wondering how on earth this woman could be his. It had been such a natural progression that Straw had never really stopped to second guessed himself about whether they’d work or not. It was different with Queety, he felt safer resting his heart with her. Perhaps it was due to the fact that most of him was rather fractured from his time with Kat. She was someone he could never entirely trust his heart with but had loved her with all of it anyway. Straw would never stop loving her but it had changed dramatically, it was something they’d never get back but there would always be a level of mutual respect between them. Their past and feelings would always be there and below the surface Straw would always be hurt to some degree; but they had a kind of unspoken agreement not to go there again for each others own sake as well as the sake of their children. They were soul mates but they had transcended where they both still needed the other but not in a romantic or sexual way. “Queety White that’s the silliest thing I’ve heard and I have three five year olds!” he teased hoping to defuse her guilty scared feelings. “You shouldn’t be scared of Kat, under all that hair and tiny figure she’s really a push over.” And she really was deep down, he could see why Queety might feel that way but Kat was not the type to be angry about Straw moving on with Queety, she was the one that cheated after all.

“How about we ask both Kelly and Kat over for dinner tomorrow and tell them there? The kids will be back and it can be some big family dinner? I’ll even… cook” he sniggered knowing how hopeless he was in the kitchen. “And try to think of yourself like lego!” he started using his hands to illustrate but hugging her still but with his shoulders, “You are this big red one and Kat is a big blue block. Red can never turn itself blue… as hard as it tries, it will never turn blue because it’s red! But, if you add the red to the castle of yellow and blue, it wont make the castle weaker but only make it stronger!” He let his hands fall back around her and kissed her again, “Does that make sense?” knowing it would make her smile and relax a bit.

“There was a reason you were never a Gryffindor, you’re a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, creative person and you smell nice; all the things us smelly Gryffindors are not. You Ma’am are a Mihael true and true, the Quidditch Captain if I remember? You are the owner of Flourish and Blotts, name me one Gryffindor, other than Evans, who’d be able to do that?” and bought his chin forward to rest on her shoulder. “And who care’s what they think? I’m sure they have their own secrets too…” Straw felt his stomach knot at the mention of secrets. There was something he had not told Queety, a secret he had kept and knew he’d have to tell her sooner rather then later. The guilt of keeping something from her was bothering him but he just couldn’t bring himself to confess what he’d done. Not to her, not when she thought so much of him. Straw knew that she could tell something wasn’t right, she’d been trying after all for weeks to probe it out of him but Straw had always seemed changed the subject and segwayed his way out of the topic. But after the Hermione incident today Straw realized he needed her help, especially if he was going to tell Kat and Kelly.

“Speaking about secrets… I need to tell you something…”

[Queety White]

"I know! I told you it was silly! But it's just the way I feel!" Queety responded, covering her face with her hands. But it was true. They had to tell their friends eventually. Because otherwise they might find out from some other source. Then it would be a whole lot worse. At least if they did it while the kids were there, she knew any reaction from her friends wouldn't be too crazy. Queety could just hold up Spaiden in front of her as a shield. She knew that kid would protect her no matter what. 

As she watched Straw's charade comparing herself to a lego, she couldn't help but laugh. It was reassuring to know that even when she was the most worried, she could rely on him to cheer her up. He was such a goofball and she loved that about him. Relaxing again into his arms as he finished his analogy she nodded. "It makes sense. And you're right. Our family is unconventional but it's definitely strong. I just can't help comparing myself to her sometimes, even though I know we are two completely different people." She took in a long deep breath. "Okay, we can tell them tomorrow," she agreed. "I don't know how to possibly bring it up but we'll do it. But I don't know how I feel about the idea of you cooking. We don't want to burn the place down right when the kiddos come back home. That wouldn't be a welcome back gift at all." She chuckled.

As Straw rested his head on her shoulder, Queety reached up and began running her fingers through his hair. She blushed at all the compliments he was throwing at her. Gosh, she was so easily wooed by his charms. Again, he was right. (Though she was not going to admit it out loud. She had already given him that once and if she reminded him that he was right too many times, he may take advantage of it and proclaim himself as Mr. Always Right!) Everyone had their secrets, good and bad. And she had to remember, there was always a reason to keep them secret. Her fingers, still running through his hair, hesitated when he admitted he had a secret himself. The muscles on her face that had finally relaxed began to tense up again. 

"What do you need to tell me?" 

[Straw Buckett]

“I’ve done something bad,” was how he decided to start this conversation. “Turn around for a second for me,” he whispered letting his arms fall off her and back to his lap. Straw waited for Queety to face him before he continued. He bowed his head, unable to look at her because his actions seemed all the more worse in her eyes. “You have to promise me you wont...” And Straw felt like one of his children confessing to misbehaving, “Promise you’ll keep an open mind…?” he figured this may not have been the best way to start a confession as it may be leading her down the wrong thought line.

“Do you remember me telling you about the guy in Azkaban who was charged as Josh’s killer?” he said after a long pause. “The one asking to talk to me or Hermione? There was rumours that he was claiming to be Josh!?” the words seemed so ridiculous that he struggled to comprehend how he’d landed himself in this situation in the first place. “Well I visited him… a few weeks ago… we talked … and he’s right!” Straw swallowed hard and kept his eyes directed at the floor between Queety and himself. He didn’t want to see her reaction, he couldn’t stand Hermione’s and if Queety wasn’t going to believe him either he didn’t want to see it in her eyes. “It was him. I can’t explain how but I just know… I just know it’s really him!” Straw paused, taking a moment for it all to sink in for Queety.

“I don’t know what came over me… but…but I knew no one was going to believe me or him, especially not Potter or Longbottom… I…I couldn’t loose him again…. And I couldn’t just leave him there either. Who knows how long an investigation and procedure would take to free him… and who might find out and try to kill him again to save their arse… so I did what any best friend would…. I broke him out. I currently have him hiding in a secret location that I can’t tell you about,” And he couldn’t, he made sure, due to the nature of his work that Logan was the location’s secret keeper. No body would think to he was involved too. In case Straw was ever caught, at least Josh’s location would be safe.

[Queety White]

Queety was speechless. This was not at all what she expected to hear. She kept quiet to let him explain himself but she was not exactly sure what to believe. It all sounded like a fictional story. How could his best friend, who was definitely clearly dead for 8 years, actually still be alive? How could Straw have believed that the owls that had been coming to their flat on a regular basis were actually true and coming from Josh himself? How could Straw go all the way to Azkaban to see for himself and not only confirm that it truly was Josh but then somehow manage to break him out of there, past all the dementors? 

"Are you sure it was him?" she asked. "For all you know, he could have somehow gotten access to a polyjuice potion and made himself look like Josh." It sounded ridiculous. No one ever went to Azkaban unless they were sentenced there. And there was no way someone who was staying there could get their hands on the potion. But Queety was searching for some explanation. There was no way that his best friend was still alive after all this time. 

But that must have been what Straw and Hermione were talking about at Three Broomsticks. No wonder Hermione seemed so upset and offput by this information. Queety herself did not know how to respond. She had never been friends with Josh, but she knew all about him through stories Straw, Kat and Kelly would always tell. She tried to imagine what that must have felt like.

But what was most off putting was Straw's confession of breaking Josh out of Azkaban. It made Queety's heart pound, she could hear the blood in her ears. Finally she looked up at Straw, feeling nauseated. "Straw..." she said quietly, her eyes watering. "If they find out what you did, they're not going to give you any time to explain. They'll send you straight to Azkaban."

She did not care to find out exactly how he did it. She wondered if he was thinking of the consequences of his actions when he had done it. The blood continued to pound against her ear. Now it wasn't out of fear but out of anger. "Did you even think about that when you broke a prisoner out of Azkaban? Whether that was Josh or not, you broke a law! A very serious one at that. What if this is all just a trick? What if this man is playing with your emotions and now you let him out into the world? I mean, didn't you think about what could happen to the kids? Didn't you think about what could happen to me?"

[Straw Buckett]

Her last words hit him hard, what was he thinking when he did it? Definitely not about her or the kids, he never once stopped to think about the consequence of his actions from breaking Josh out of jail. “I was thinking that I had my best friend back,” he said very softly and slowly, still not looking in her eyes. “I was thinking how could I have left him to rot away all these years and not known?” Straw’s guilt was unfathomable, loosing Josh had been one of the toughest things he’d ever experienced. It had taken Straw many the years to feel ok again and if he was being honest he still didn’t feel ok about it. “I was thinking that I buried him, I spoke at his funeral, I was off word that day and I was supposed to patrolling with him, I was supposed to protect him, I was… I … I was the one who should of died…” Straw voice started to shake, his eyes began to prickle and his vision became blurry. He blinked and a single tear rolled down the side of his check.

Straw loved Josh like a brother, loosing him broke him in ways he was not ready for. He was devastated so much so that he would frequently visit the grave of his lost friend to have a drink or to just have a chat about life and it’s issues. On the day he brought his children home from hospital, Straw had taken his son Joshua to visit the grave of Joshua Chambers, introducing him to his son and how he and Kat had named the boy after him in honour and memory of their fallen friend.

Straw took a moment to blink away the cloudy filter consuming his eyes. Taking a deep breath he looked up and met Queety’s eyes for the first him; he reached out and took each of her hands in his own and keeping a gentle tone continued, “I… I can’t explain it to you why or how or what is going on. And I don’t want to because if anything goes wrong I don’t want you involved or getting in trouble for it….but you have to trust me and understand that I know what I’m doing… it’s him… it’s really him!”

[Queety White]

She could see his eyes watering. Whether or not this man really was Josh, Queety knew for sure that Straw really believed it. She still did not trust this man but she had to trust Straw. She saw the first tear fall down his cheek and reached up to wipe it away. She had never had a friend die. Sure she had friends who disappeared for long periods of time but she always knew they were okay and sometimes they would even come back. She could not even begin to imagine what it was like to know that they couldn't come back. She sympathized with Straw whenever he talked about Josh and how much he missed him. But she could never actually empathize. 

"Okay," she said. "You don't have to tell me any more. I get it. 'Secret Auror stuff which is out of my domain.'" She had heard him say that many times whenever she asked about work. It was probably the only batch of secrets she really had no problem with him keeping from her. "But I'm begging you to not do anything stupid. And think about the kids once in a while before you act. I know you truly believe that this man is him but remember that people can be clever and toy with your emotions. He could be doing a really good job convincing you and make you act on your emotions instead of thinking clearly beforehand." 

She wrapped her arms around Straw and held him close to her. "And listen to me very closely, Straw Buckett. It was never your fault what happened back then. Don't ever think of the 'should have, could have, would have.' Everything truly does happen for a reason and you were not supposed to be there that night. And I'm so glad that you weren't. I can't imagine what would have happened if we had lost you, too. It would have completely crushed me, that's for sure. I mean, I'm sure it was around that time that I had started to fall in love with you." 

[Straw Buckett]

“okay”

And with that single word, suddenly everything really did feel okay. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of warm water all over him as relief replaced the guilt and left goose bumps running down his back and arms. All the discomfort, all the blame, all the doubt of his actions simply washed away with her words and touches. He felt his stomach relax and his face soften. His eyes closed as she pulled him close and he felt himself almost collapse into her. His head rested gently against hers as his lips, closed and touched the side of her neck. With every word that followed Straw felt his heart beat back to life, a little stronger and a little warmer.

He sat there in silence a moment or two before finally breaking it, “What did I do to deserve you?!” he said lifting his head back to look into her eyes. He reach over and tucked a stray strain of her fringe and tucked in behind her ear. He then gently he took hold of the back of her neck and pulled her in for a tender kiss. “I don’t know what I’d do without,” he whispered between kisses. “I promise I wont do anything more stupid” and kissed her once more before she could say anything else.

Nuzzling her nose he tried to change the subject, “So dinner with Kat and Kelly tomorrow… how do you think we should do it?”

[Queety White]

“What did I do to deserve you?!”

Queety often questioned herself about that regarding Straw. What did she do to deserve him? Their friendship has lasted for many years. She saved her life once. She confessed her feelings to him on more than one occasion. He also broke her heart unintentionally on several different occasions. She threw things at him when he said he was getting married. She did not show up at his wedding (though that was not her fault). She forgave him. She got over him. She helped him in his greatest time of need. She moved in with him and somehow, after all this time, she found herself in the position she was in at that moment. Why it had taken so long with them living together for the past few years was her hesitation to believe that this could be real. In fact, she never tried to change their relationship into the one that they had now. It was all Straw. She eventually just went with it and here they were today. 

The Queety of 5 or 6 years ago would have rejoiced and jumped to the opportunity right away. The Queety now was much more cautious. She was happy of course, but there was always still a little thought in the back of her mind that continued to question, "Why now?"

The thought continued to buzz around her mind as she kissed him. She tried to push them away as she enjoyed the moment right here and now and the feeling of Straw's lips against hers. She cupped her hands on his cheeks, feeling the bristles of the hair on his chin. It felt so right and comfortable. "Why now?" didn't matter. What mattered was that she was with him at last and they were both very happy. 

"Do anything stupid?" she giggled between kisses. "You're Straw Buckett after all. I'm sure you're bound to do something else stupid. Don't worry. I'll always be there to pull you out when you're being a silly little kid."

And then Straw changed the subject back to Kat and Kelly. Queety bit her lower lip. "Well we could just come out and say it," she thought out loud. "Or when we greet them, we could be holding hands and acting all couple-like as if it's normal and no big deal and let them figure it out. Or we could just sit them down right after dinner and say 'we've got something to tell you guys...' I don't know. There's lots of options. I'm just terrified of how they're gonna react. Really I don't have any idea. They could be really happy for us or really upset or neutral. I just can't predict it. But maybe it's best to tell them before the kids go blabbing about it. We haven't been too secretive around them. Scarlett's got a big mouth and she's not afraid to use it." She laughed. Little Scarlett had definitely inherited that trait from her father.