Hobbling along, avoiding my office and life

[Hermione Chambers]

It was just after lunch, and my class had concluded over an hour ago. That meant that I had office hours now for a few hours until I had to report back to the Ministry. However, I hated my office as it reminded me of what I would have to do at the Ministry now that I was riding a desk due to my carelessness that had put my left leg in a brace since it was broken. I'd been having quite a few moments of carelessness lately, but I was getting closer to my goal all the time.

I figured most of the students were in class anyhow so I left my office and hobbled along the hallways, especially the outer ones where I could see the outdoors. Well, technically I wasn't hobbling so much as dragging my left leg a bit as I tried to walk normally. I figured the pain would be good, reminding me that yes, I was still here. I would never intentionally take my own life as that would make Josh sad and I could never do that. Besides, I wanted to see him in the afterlife and I couldn't do that if I killed myself as I'd end up opposite of him.

The hallways were silent, leaving me to my thoughts...

[Professor Cole A. Halliwell]

Cole's long black hair flew behind him as his emerald teaching robes did the same, the draughts from the windows sending his clothing billowing, though this was helped by the speed of his walk. Cole was a brisk walker - he didn't see the point of slowly walking along - it wasted time, even if you were going out for a short walk. As it happened, that was exactly what Cole was doing. Celeste was in class, and he had a free period. Marking work was hardly one of the man's hobbies, especially as of late, and so he was walking down the corridors, slowly spiralling down the castle toward the great hall, where he would get a bite to eat. The man, you see, hadn't had lunch before - he and Celeste were too busy being in love. [no not like that, you with the dirty mind]

He spun around the corner, thinking of his wife with some admiration as he played with the ring on his finger, the sun from outside reflecting from the band and glaring into his eye for a moment. Somehow, the United Kingdom had been blessed with a Springlike September - rather shocking for the coutnry considering the exceedingly wet Summer that had just passed. It was as this light, however, glared into his eyes, that he almost walked straight into an old student of the school, and a friend of the Professor's. Sidestepping with some difficulty, he smiled at his old friend upon recognising her, and greeted with a wink, and a customary Cole-tongue-waggle.

"Good Day, Hermione," he said, an accent coming through that was particularly English, and he stopped in his walk. "How are you on this fin-" he paused, glancing at her leg. "Broken, much?"[/font]

[Hermione Chambers]

My musings on Josh and what I was going to do once off desk duty were stopped when I happened upon Cole or rather, he happened upon me. I hadn't seen the man since standing in the back at his wedding over a month ago and he acted like I hadn't been "missing" for a month.

Must be nice to be in love. Never noticing what's going on outside of that protective bubble. I hope it lasts for him for a long time. Longer than me anyways. I got 3 months of marriage, barely 2 years of knowing him.

So morose was my thought-process that I almost missed his question. I had vowed to start paying better attention since my string of mishaps. I tried smiling a little, though it was more of a wince since I leaned a little harder on it than I meant to. "Yeah, got a little careless when I was out catching up on a little information. You know, auror stuff and all. How's married life suiting you?"

[Professor Cole A. Halliwell]

Raising his eyebrows a little as he listened to Hermione's speech, Cole nodded at the end of what she said, and smiled. How did he answer this question? was the immediate thought however. Married life was suiting him great, he felt fantastic - the best he'd ever felt, but that wasn't something you said to a recently widowed woman. It just didn't do well for the widow's condition, especially since it was hardly secret that Hermione was obsessed with her Auror duties since Josh was killed. What she was doing, Cole had no idea, but he knew that it had been brought along by the death.

Grimacing, he shrugged. "Yeah, it's good..." he said dismissively. "So... um..." he paused for a moment. "Free lesson? I swear, I can't stand marking at hte moment, thus my being here. I'm not looking forward to marking those finals, come October.."[/font]

[Hermione Chambers]

I watched some of the light fade from the young man's eyes and I internally frowned. I had hoped to get an honest answer from him, not one trying to spare my feelings. If anything, it ticked me off a little and unfortunately for Cole, I had been holding a lot of emotion inside me. I hadn't wanted to hurt others so I just bottled it all up and after a couple months, it was ready to burst.

I hate this. Everyone walking around on eggshells with me. Am I not strong enough to handle death, is that it? I'm just a pity case, aren't I? Using what little restraint I still had left in me, I forced a slight smile though it didn't resemble much of one. "Actually, already taught. It's 'office hours' for me now and I didn't feel like sitting around for the blithering idiots that take my class to come see me to ask stupid questions."

[Professor Cole A. Halliwell]

Cole watched Hermione carefully, his little knowledge of bodylanguage surmising that she wasn't best pleased with his response. But how was he supposed to respond? Truth be told, he was a little confused and had panicked with the response - but what was done was done. He just realised, there and then, that it was probably a common thing. Hermione's use of the phrase 'blithering idiots', which was most un-Hermioneish had confused the poor 19-year-old and he deecided not to comment, instead taking a mental note and reminding himself to mention this to Sesshy in due course.

"Yes, well, you've seen nothing until you get asked what the difference between an animagus and a werewolf is. I mean, honestly. For goodness sake..." he smiled cheekily, and began to wander in the direction Hermione had been walking, deciding that it was best for them to walk with their talk. Yes, he didn't like to wander, but he could deal with it in this case. "Hermione..." he said after a moment. "You realise, you do know..." he paused. "You know that you can talk to us, any of us - your friends that is - any time, if there's anything the matter. It doesn't do to go from extrovert to introvert, it's damaging. I've been there... I should know..."[/font]

[Hermione Chambers]

Wrong? What could possibly be wrong? I mean, I've only lost my husband afterall. Wouldn't think that would be spotted so well. Too wrapped up in their own lives that they're just noticing. Let Josh just be forgotten, hmm? I hobbled along with Cole as he began to walk telling me that I could talk to him anytime I wanted. How can I talk to him if he didn't even make a notice of the fact that he hadn't seen me in a month.

I tried a little harder to force a smile, though it came out again as a grimace as my leg was broken afterall and in all honesty, I should have been on crutches until my leg healed. The mediwizards could only heal bits at a time since it was broken in so many places. "I'm fine Cole. Just had a lot to do at the department. Remember, we've still got to track down those escaped death eaters. They've been at large for over 2 months and I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning something. They've had enough time to bunker down to plan something to bugger us all."

[Professor Cole A. Halliwell]

Cole stopped in his tracks, and looked at Hermione with some confusion, some worry and most of all, a heapload of anxiety. He shook his head and took in a deep breath, his brain buzzing at what he should ask first, scratching the back of his head. Finally, his voice came through, takling clearly and slowly - not in a patronising way - just in a calm and controlled manner. It was the best way to say what he had to say to her right now.

"Hermione, first of all, you are most certainly not fine. I watched my mother tortured to death by my father, before having to flee from the scene, when I was angry enough and emotional enough to cast all three Unforgivables on him without a blink of an eye. I know what it feels like to lose the one you love most, so understand - I get it." he paused. "And that's the first time you've talked about Auror business any more than just saying 'we're busy' or 'we're not busy'. Even if it was something remarkably obvious, you wouldn't state it, ever. You need to stop at some point, or you're going to explode."[/font]

[Hermione Chambers]

Who does he dare think he is to understand how I'm feeling? Sometimes he thinks and overanalyzes things, it makes him a bit arrogant. Bloody prat. "I told you, I'm perfectly fine. Forgive me for trying to be a bit more sociable than I have been lately."

The anger I'd been feeling was starting to bubble again so I started walking a bit faster though it hurt measurably more as I tried to walk away from Cole. Thinks his sob story about his mum is any comparison. That's nothing like losing half yourself, half your soul. When he loses Celeste early then he can talk to me about loss. The bloody nerve of him.

[Professor Cole A. Halliwell]

Emotions flaring, Cole stayed rooted to the spot, glancing carefully at Hermione as she hobbled away. There was no way she could keep doing this, it was far beyond her reach. The woman was killing herself slowly, letting all the hate and sense of betrayal eat her away, and Cole knew - Cole understood - that there was no way she could let that happen. He nearly saw it happen to his sister, he almost saw it occur with Haley. That wouldn't happen again, absolutely not.

"You're in denial, Hermione," he watched her carefully. "Let me ask you this.." his voice was measured - never rising - always calm, "When was the last time you cried over him? When was the last time you let yourself be upset? When was the last time you stepped back from being an Auror and just let it overtake you? Because until you let that happen, until you allow yourself to just be upset, you're never going to get over it. Hermione, you may not agree with things I've said, you may think that I'm talking rubbish, but the fact remains that the longer you tell yourself you're fine, the more you're going to destory yourself. Don't let it overtake you, for goodness sake."[/font]

[Hermione Chambers]

I kept hobbling along, trying to ignore the man. I knew what he was saying was true, but I knew that the closer I got to oblivion, the closer I got to Josh. Technically it wasn't suicide so I would see him again. Unfortunately, Cole's words were true and I was destroying myself.

As I sensed he was no longer following me, I stopped for a moment and turned slightly, leaning heavily on my right leg. "I told you, I'm fine Cole. Thanks for your advice but it's not necessary." Besides, I'll be around until I at least get justice for Josh.