In the Shadows [sasuke]

[Forbid Jaganshi]

No sleep,
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer.
Won't stop,
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer.

The dear little Mihael had been sitting nice and quiet in her bed, legs crossed and humming to herself. It was fairly quiet at the time only to be interrupted by tapping. She ignored it at first, not entirely caring for said tapping but when it continued she couldn't help but look. An owl. Oh goody! She crawled out of bed and over to the window, opening it to let the little birdy in. It settled on the window ledge and cocked its head to the side; that was when she noticed the note. Her brows furrowed as she took and read the letter. Moi, moi... When she glanced up the bird was gone so with a sigh she closed the windows and trudged out of bed. She slipped on a pair of black jeans, white-black striped button-up shirt, and her black-gray vans. No need to travel in her pajamas; that could have been fun though. It wasn't even that late in the evening. Curfew hadn't even passed yet. And she was out.

Anonymous sender; that was all she knew. A message had been given to her to meet said "anonymous sender" in the dungeons. It surprised her to a point. She couldn't think of many that would go out of their way to send her a message. With a sigh, she gave a light tug to her purple locks. They were pretty... She closed her eyes for a moment, continuing to walk even as she did this. The Jaganshi had no fear of running into walls or inanimate objects at the time... So of course she would promptly find herself with a sore nose. Walls; evil things they were. She huffed unhappily and continued on toward the dungeons.

The very last time she had been there she had seen Akito-san. Whom would she see this time around? Really that letter had her on edge and quite curious. Curiosity killed the cat you know and she could definitely be compared to said felines. Suke wouldn't appreciate the attempt at humor of course... He was a cat after all. She gave another huff into the still air, already in the dungeons. For a moment she remained still at the bottom of the steps before shrugging and taking a few steps so she stood beside a pillar. Nothing more to do now then wait and think. Lots of thinking could be done... Now then, let's go down the list of people she knows.

Akito-san? No... He'd sign his name probably. Sakura; nah. She didn't seem to want anything to do with Forbid. Tithe; nuh uh. He'd probably sign his name too... Come to think of it, she didn't even think he'd send an owl. Ahhh... Gaara was immediately out of the picture due to his absence. Sasuke...? No. He wouldn't even bother. Dang it. Then who else is there? She pouted and crossed her arms in a stubborn show of unhappiness. Well that hadn't gotten her much of anywhere. It just led her in an entire circle. She supposed it could be one of the ones she listed off... just being really secretive about it and all. It wasn't very fun for her though... She was nosy and this wasn't appealing to her sense of nosiness.

Fine. Then she'd just have to think on other things. Hmm... I can't think of anything to think of... Uhh... Santa Claws and the Easter Bunny! Okay then, subject decided it was now to voice... err... think her opinion on the matter. See; everyone, well most everyone, adored these certain fictional characters. They were everywhere. Santa Claws mostly. Forbid referred to him as such because he was evile. You see, Santa Claws and Mrs. Claws were down in Hawaii getting a tan and taking a vacation. While the elves work themselves to the bone, chained together, and dying from starvation. Evile! Then there's the Easter Bunny. He lives in Earth's Core sitting in a large red chair in front of a burning fire place... plotting World Domination with Santa Claws and his evile bunny followers.

Oh. And the Clouds; they've been planning World Domination for years they just never got around to it. Well... that killed five minutes... Bored, bored, bored...

[Sasuke Uchiha]

where do i put the shame?
it feels like a broken toy
i can't play with anymore
where do i put the hate?
to a pixilated screen
i can't watch anymore

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Vengeance had always been a ghost for Sasuke Uchiha.

When he spoke to another, the specter loomed over his shoulder wearing a facade to display undeniable skeptics over whom he addressed and what the conversation revolved around. It became one of hostility or annoyance if the discussion took a dive for something to close to it’s own rhetorical throat. If Sasuke were to commit some act of secluding the phantom from his life. It mutinied. If Sasuke were to try and forgot the phantom. It placed far from gentle reminders in his head that he wasn’t permitted to try, then opened up old wound with dirty claws to remind him that he’d never be able to forget. That ghost lived in a world he only gained through being a nonstop despot of agony.

This is breathing Vengeance. And this is having your past too entwined with your present.

In all his haunted glory the youngest Uchiha lived with a virtually implicit monster perched on his head, guiding him with guiltless vigor. It told him right from wrong and raged whenever Sasuke breeched the prohibited boundaries of the wrong. What was wrong? Wrong was revoking interest in his own antagonistic religion of Vengeance. Wrong was turning his eyes down in exhaust or in fear when the possible reality of failure tugged at his aching, worn core with a taunting leer. Wrong was engaging towards anything that would make the Vengeance less important.

Vengeance was a ghost, it was a monster, it was a dictator. It was an unfulfilled need. And he couldn’t solace it.

Not even for his own damned self. Not even for Her sake. Now that he was to brood over it, daring to associate another entity with the unfulfilled need. Living as he did now only unmasked failures he didn’t even know he was capable of. Actually burdening another person that wasn’t himself. Burdening them in a way he felt an alien pressure as well. Guilt was it? Guilt, could it be? …Possible. Maybe another monster of the psyche was descending… He didn’t dread it. He was almost welcoming it as if it were some new thrill to add to this monochromatic life which only led to being so susceptible of the Vengeance… Locking his face into an actually quite brittle mask of cold.

Which broke into a grimace as the old ghost dragged an inky talon over a mental scar.

The barrier had been broken and now came some unwelcome memoir to add to his aggrieved mulling of the current second. His eyes narrowed down till they were nearly shut, as if he were attempting to squeeze the recollection out before it sunk in too deeply. Though in the End it was inevitable. ...What happened the last time… The last time your emotions got so terribly ahead of you? It was a taunt. It was a curse. It was meant to kill the soul idea struggling in his head now. The note. An unfair memo. The whim. An inevitable ending. He wasn’t going to walk away from this. Let the monster rage as it willed, because what had happened to Forbid was even more unjust than the nasty surprise she would find waiting for her in the hearth of the dungeons burning shadows.

Him.

“For once I agree with that demonic little voice inside your head called Kage.” He had been watching her from the start. From a pit of dank gloom he saw her come and wait. Completely oblivious. And now he stepped into view, sable banes falling over his face and matching eyes unyieldingly falling to meet the opposing navy. He was still holding that fateful note. A piece of parchment that now disgusted the Uchiha. “That was a stupid decision.”

He wanted to be angry. He wanted to yell. It seemed better than having his voice and visage stuck in this toneless, empty… torment.

The worst of it was he didn’t know how to stop it, and barely had a grasp on why. If he did. He was denying it every step of the way. Over and over, except, unlike before, the denial came restlessly. It made him want to squirm, or run away.

But I'll not let myself run away from this...[/size]

hold me now you know
i am so afraid to love at all
where do i put the love?

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[/right]

[Forbid Jaganshi]

Fingers plucked idly at the hem of her shirt, her eyes partially closed. Wasn't this taking too long...? Moe... She turned her head to the side slightly and peered up the darkened stairs. The nosy side of her had calmed down fairly enough and all she could feel now was the hold of anticipation. Who, who, who...? It was the number one question on the top of her mind. She'd given up on thinking of anything else... Kage refused to speak to her for the moment. Whatever the pyromaniac was doing she wasn't sure but apparently it didn't include enough time for amusing Forbid. So for now... she would just wonder...

A sigh came about as one of her hands drifted to her cheek. It had scarred just not enough so it was very noticeable. There were two ways to tell. The slight roughness of the skin there and the discoloration... but that was only seen up close so no one else could see it. It was a reminder. Kage... Her fingers glided down her face and fell silently to her side. The Jaganshi pressed herself against the pillar and bit her lip slightly. How much... Moi. Too impatient. She could wait... Her fingers continued to pluck at her shirt as dark blues drifted back down to her feet.

What was everyone else doing at this moment? Were they all alright? Her feet shifted ever so slightly. So much silence... Dark blue orbs jumped up when a voice broke through the silence and her breath caught in her throat, body freezing up. For a moment she didn't move. It didn't last long. She fell back against the pillar and bowed her head, teeth resuming their position in her lower lip. Ah... damn. Could she account this to karma...? With s sigh she peered up through her banes at the now visible Uchiha. She got the distinct feeling that he was quite upset with her decision.

"Moe..." She squirmed and dropped her eyes once more to the floor. It felt like she should apologize... Her hands resumed plucking at the hem of her shirt. Stupid nerves. Stupid note. Stupid Kage. Stupid Sakura. Stupid Sasuke... "I'm sorry..."

The little squirmies continued for a moment before she stilled entirely. Sorry... Did that really amount to anything? Kage... Kage had said her decision was stupid. That she shouldn't try to stay away from the Uchiha. Oh so right she was. Forbid shouldn't have attempted it. Even Sasuke agreed with the pyromaniac... It worked for a while though. One month passed by without any mention or visits from him. No sight of him. And slowly it was getting better... or perhaps that was a delusion she created to help...? Honestly now she hadn't the slightest clue as to what to say. 'I'm sorry' was all she could think of. Those two little words... but whatever could they do?

Consequences; weren't there always? And for a split-second, she though of what Sasuke could have said to Sakura. She hadn't the slightest doubt in her mind that he knew whom she was talking about. A name need not be mentioned. The Uchiha wasn't stupid after all. No... that'd be too much to ask...

"Sorry..." Famous last words.

It's hard to say that I was wrong.
It's hard to say I miss you.
Since you've been gone, it's not the same.

[Sasuke Uchiha]

The word wasn’t reproachful. The word didn’t try to push him away. But the word struck with a biting pain that his mind mirrored by the tone in which it was delivered. Sorry. It was a searing word, something, in his mutely floundering ways, he did not perceive beforehand. Vengeance tugged at another old scar, feeling the word pressing a blade against its throat. I forgot. Damn it, I forgot… I only play dead. He raised his head, eyelids squeezing shut over blemished orbs, indifferent.

They reopened to watch, in a pause of silence, Forbid squirm. The pressuring gravity of nervousness? Was it striking? He remembered, how she had done the same thing once before, and when he asked why she inquired why he cared. And what had he said to that? I don’t care. I… don’t… care... The words were coming back to haunt him, he hated it. Reviled it because it made him weak in a way it became a self-inflicted torture.

And blinded by that, he would unconsciously drag down anyone he might hold to near.

This is what happens… His fingers curled in on themselves. When you enfold everything single little regret, cross your fingers, and run on a blind faith that they’ll never get out. Infection. Sickness. A bane to bring down the unmoving cold. He wanted to fight it, however, as painful as it was- it was a break through. The enclosing cold was thawing. He could feel a distant, alien sense of warmth. It was… pleasant.

But look who I may kill in the process... He was moving closer without knowing it.

“I don’t understand sorry. What makes you say that? Do you even know?” His spine was taut, and each interlocking system of nerve that veined out from it called upon every muscle in his body to catch up in strain. Head angled ever so to the side, eyes widening as his brows crashed. A sensation at the pit of his head burned with a desire. Desire to know. Why apologize? He was guilty. He did wrong. To try to break such a thing as this girl. To simply say things like ’I don’t care’ and be stupid enough to believe it would be easy to live by.

And then there was desire… to be closer. For warmth. That ill-fated hunger consuming his will…

With that he looked up, sights striking the pillar. Stone cold and lifeless. He reached out to it. Feet freezing as fingertips paid deep mind to the imperfect surface they stroked. Silent cravings of unison with the unfeeling matter irritated his heart and wit. Until he looked down. She tried to forget me. He blinked impassively, then blatantly stared down at the girl. She has the power to move on. She’s stronger than I am… and says… Sorry.

Warmth... what am I asking for? “You want to know something Forbid?” He either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care how he was creating a prison with his own body. Arms were bars, and eyes were the weary guards paid poorly to make sure people with the unlikelihood of actually being criminals do not escape. In the end it was unfair. But… in the end… He wanted[/b] it this way. Selfish longings he had feared would over take him if he ever dared to be so close.

“I was a filthy liar.” I said I didn’t want anything. I said I didn’t care. Damn, this life was unfair.

And, as if to prove it, fingertips that touched the granite of the pillar moved down to porcelain skin. They captured her chin and pulled her head up. He dared to look at her again. Dared to do it now. In this blissful weakness so cursedly warm and gratifying against the frostbitten whim of his regret. Eyes that commonly were as tender as the cold stone of the walls around them, betrayed him. And he had no clue she would see.

“Do you really believe people are better off without you?” Words echoed remorse, then sunk to grim sarcasm. “Heh. And I’ve been thinking a lot of people would better off without me.”

His mind didn’t flinch. The truth was his mind wasn’t working at all. He wasn’t thinking. He wasn’t paying attention to the future and consequence. He wasn’t processing his own last words. Better off without him? How the hell was he suppose to mean it now? Truth has it, he failed to muse as he bent forward, I’m going to realize the mistake when it’s already too late.[/strike] And in seconds it was. Eyelids closed, he was, truly blind, mind lost in a lust downed stupor, he kissed her.

He only knew his egotistical, self-stabbing, coldly catatonic loneliness, the condemning seal resting at his neck and the Uchiha name to be a cursed kiss placed with dark compassion on his forehead by the mouth of fate at birth.

Now he knew something else.

Warm lips to his own. A potential of everything he denied. Life being held so near and for once without the desire to strike it down, instead suffering the need to keep it close. Alive. And he lost his forced self of such careless spite that wouldn’t ever touch another with compassion to his own fingers trailing gently across a face and stray into the unnatural purple haloing it.

But look who I may kill... but look who I may be killing... He had to think. Now.

I’m going to realize… He froze abruptly. This was… Shoulders tensed and eyes were wretched open. …a mistake… His mind utterly a grinding cry as it was lurched into action.

Both arms flew up, fists striking the pillar’s girth above Forbid’s head, and snapping straight his elbows Sasuke shoved himself away from the Jaganshi. For a moment he stood, hands still to the stone, body still being the prison it was, eyes still watching… No longer weary but reeling and aroused with a spiral of emotion. Reality struck the emotive soft spot swelling within him with enough force for it to burst and bleed the lament he should have realized would come.

Wrong. This was all wrong.

He shouldn’t be in her life either… She didn’t belong in Sakura’s as Sakura did not belong is his. And he knew he did not belong in a world as blameless as Forbid’s. The urge to apologize. The need to say sorry. He could feel it, but couldn’t confide to it. Another moment passed as he struggled to do something beyond standing and staring like a lost idiot, and the struggle ceased immediately as he made a dizzy turn away from her...

Then all but ran down the hallway in a lost and emotionless state of forfeiture.[/color][/size]

Take another breath
You can't find what's important
Destroy all of the peace
Make the same mistake over again

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[Forbid Jaganshi]

No movement in the least. She refused to move from her position. Instead waiting for Sasuke to do... or say... whatever he wanted to her. Being yelled at, scolded; that wouldn't be too bad. At least, in some way, it meant he cared. Not that she could speak such thoughts aloud. She doubted he would like her thoughts on the matter anyhow; especially in his current mood. Ah... but... No. This... it wasn't fair. Why did everything always turn into this sort of mess anyhow? If Sakura hadn't agreed to her reasoning... she wouldn't be going through all of this... If Sakura didn't want Sasuke so much, she wouldn't have suggested it... But there were a lot of 'if's. It didn't change anything.

And as that bothersome silence remained, she resumed her squirming for a moment. Unsure of what to do with her hands… her eyes… anything; she didn't move. What more could she do anyhow? The Jaganshi nearly started to hum just to cut through the silence. But... she considered it too cheery a thing to do at this time. In her head, she could hum where the silence pressed most.

Though she still refused to lift her head, to let herself see Sasuke. She... in a way, was scared. Scared... While she may have been nervous and small around Sasuke, she'd never felt truly scared to be around him. Then again, could this account to being truly scared? He was still her friend no matter how she thought about it. Why not? Anyone she enjoyed hanging out with could be considered a friend. Whether they considered her one as well usually remained a mystery. And she hated it. To be in the dark... clueless... but never would she speak it aloud. Being happy. That was her job, was it not? Keeping everyone else happy.

Words interrupted the silence now and Forbid found herself flinching. Perhaps sorry wasn't the best choice of words... but all the same, she said nothing. She would let him say and do as he wished. That much, at least, she owed him. Her fingers twitched before curling inward on themselves. Kage remained silent. Surprise, surprise. She had seemed less inclined to talk to Forbid lately about any matter at all. What about now...? Would actually seeing Sasuke make her anymore, ahh, pleasant? It would be... nice... to have someone who knew her to talk to again.

Dark blue widened in surprise and a new word entered her mind; trapped. The Uchiha's shirt was in front of her face and she was near about positive that his hands were positioned on the pillar behind her. A cage. It wasn't like she had been debating leaving anyhow... How could she? It... it would be rude and unfair to him. Her eyes widened a bit more at following question. "Moe...?" A silent whisper.

The Mihael reeled in the urge to shake her head furiously at his answer. She didn't think of him that way. Never wanted to so she wouldn't now. She wouldn't consider Sasuke a liar. No... Sasuke helped her on different occasions. Sasuke called her a friend. Sasuke was a... a good friend. Even though she wouldn't speak, she felt compelled to hug him. Didn't everyone need a hug when they were down? Yet she reeled in that urge as well. It would be walking on unstable ground to initiate such contact. Not once had he let her actually continue to hug him. Pushing her away... it had become something she was quite used to. Expected even.

Her body stiffened momentarily when a hand graced her face. That was one thing in her long list of things that Sasuke won't do that he'd proven her wrong on. No resistance was given as he lifted her head. He had control here; she wouldn't take it away. When her eyes met his own darker ones, she nearly betrayed her surprise. If he hadn't had a hold on her chin, she would have tilted her head to the side curiously. His eyes... they were always so cold... They were considered the window to one's soul, right? Why would he not keep up his appearance...? Cold. Uncaring. That's what she always expected when she looked in them. But now... they were less guarded. And she didn't know whether to be curious or afraid.

Being afraid of him... she didn't like that. Just as being scared of him earlier. No, no. Curiosity would stick with this one. She refused to be afraid.

A frown crossed her lips however when he spoke again. She didn't think people would be better off without him. At least... she didn't think she was better off with him. Oh sure he wasn't a bucket o' sunshine but she enjoyed being around him all the same. And he wouldn't take her to those evil hospitals either if she ever got hurt or anything. In a way, she supposed he knew more things about her then Gaara had. Ha. Figures. But she still didn't voice her unhappiness at his words. And yes. She honestly believed people would be better off without her. They always left anyhow...

Oh, had she ever thought she'd been shocked before; this... this just really took the cake... and the ice cream... and anything else as well.

Sasuke actually kissed her. He... For a moment blue met closed lids and she didn't quite know what to do. Sure, she'd been kissed before but it wasn't the same no matter how she looked at it. Before she actually knew what was happening, her eyes had closed as well. Having this sort of contact with him wasn't something she minded all because he was Sasuke. She'd never mind. Even if all it did was hurt her in the end like it was bound to do. Something else that she expected. It was inevitable. Of course, everything is just too good to be true when it came to her. Always...

The Jaganshi didn't move. Didn't even breathe when Sasuke froze. Always, always... Her eyes remained closed. When no other movement came, though she knew he was still there, she almost opened her eyes. But... she really could not bring herself to do such a thing. She wanted to live in her own little world a little while longer. And she got her wish. If only for a few seconds. Then just... gone. Only then did she open her eyes just to watch him leave before sliding down the pillar. Forbid let loose a shaky breath, head bowed; a bittersweet smile spread across her lips.

"...Moe..."

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want,
Where you can always find me.
We'll have Halloween on Christmas,
And in the night we'll wish this never ends.
We'll wish this never ends.