coasting on P O T E N T I A L

[xxbrokenheartxx]

words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass
they slip away across the universe

this belongs to aaryn saeumi.
if you are reading this front cover.
i suggest you put it down, NOW
because if you don't.
she will hunt you down,
and pick out your eyeballs
with an ice cream scoop.

[xxbrokenheartxx]

TERM III

pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
possessing and caressing me

october sixth, two thousand seven.

I do believe this is my third attempt at a journal. Maybe, because I have more things going on in my life nowadays, I'll keep it active. Unlikely. I'd like to write something worth reading. I'm not quite sure why, but I've seen other published journals. And they are all fancy stuff. Like the writer actually wanted to get it published. It is a tad insane. But I suppose I'll just write it the way it is.

I suppose, I should start from the beginning. I do believe it started in August. All these horrible things happened in August. So I shall start there. I kissed my friend, Dezi. IT doesn't sound bad, I suppose, to you, but your just a book, so what do you know? Well, I'll have you know, so you can stop giving me those odd looks, he has had a girlfriend. Of course, we managed to kiss in front of a bunch of people. Someone posted in the gossip column about us.

So that was the end of the Dezi/Alessa relationship. Which is really a shame. I just feel bad for Dezi. I no longer care about the way Alessa felt.

So me and Dezi, we haven't talked in a while. Well, we did talk a little, but mainly we just kept our distance. The worst thing is, I still have feelings for Dezi. I don't think I love him. Not yet. But I feel strongly. I've never felt like this for anyone else. But that's a tad scary. Because me and Dezi agreed to just be friends, and I don't think he likes me back. Like, kissing me back, that was just instinct, right?

And to make matters more confusing, I met this new guy, Pierce. He's really nice. We had coffee and stuff. He's soooo cute. Plus, he's funny, and not overly friendly. So, I dunno, he seems like he might like me. I'm not sure though. And I might like him. So it's all weird, because I'm still thinking about Dezi.

But why write a diary journal all about my "love" life? Let's talk about the rest of my life.

I think I'm gonna be a fourth year, when term comes to an end. I think the Headmistress has a liking for me. But I might not, because I walked out on two classes this term. It's not my fault Gregory and Evans are morons. I want them to die, die, die!!!!

That's really all for now.

Aaryn ♥ Saeumi

[xxbrokenheartxx]

images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
that call me on and on across the universe

october sixteenth, two thousand seven.

omfg.

You will not believe what happened. So, I woke up, right? And there I was, walking down the steps and Emmie jumps out of my hand and runs into the common room. I get to the end of the stairs and who do I see? None other than, drum roll please, PIERCE. Yup. So, we decide to sneak out, since it's the middle of the night, and we go out.

So, I keep on getting scared and grabbing Pierce's hand. -.- And neither of us let go. I liked it, I’m guessing he liked and… yeah. How cute, right?

We go to the Great Hall, and I was hungry, so I went down to the kitchens first and I brought back some cherries and a can of whipped cream. Which is sooo good. But that’s not the point. Anyway, I saw him sitting on one of the tables, and it was cute because he was doing something with his nails and I dunno, it just looked cute.

So, anyway, we ate them and stuff and shared the can of whipped cream, and talked about how ridiculous the T.A.’s were and about passing and failing their classes. And apparently I got some of the whipped cream on the corner of my mouth. Pierce sees it and tells me, but I didn’t get it off, so he took up a napkin but for a second didn’t do anything, which I didn’t really think about. So the hand with the napkin came up and instead of getting the whipped cream, I felt his fingers on my jaw, and the napkin was all crumpled up. So, I was kind of not thinking, or reacting or whatever, and he tilted my head, and he kind of used his tongue to get the whipped cream off. Then he kissed me.

And it was one of those sweet kisses; short, soft, and innocent enough. And get this, when he pulled back, he smiled and said, “Uhm… It slipped?”

…

Well, I kissed him after that >_>. I couldn’t really help it, I mean I’ve tried to resist and I guess I just kind of… Broke? It was like his one kiss just kind of made me forget Dezi for that little amount of time, not to mention made me want more than just a simple peck… I dunno, but oh my god, he’s an amazing kisser. Compared to Dezi… Well, I’ll put it like this. If there was a competition of frenching, Pierce would trump Dezi, hands down. And he didn't hold my head and neck in place, so that probably made it better, because when Dezi did that, ick. >_>.

But then I thought of Dezi, and I start just freaking out, because seriously, I'm still head over heals for Dezi. But I only told him that I’m just not ready for a serious relationship. Which I’m kind of not, but it had a lot more to do with Dezi. Frankly, if I ever see Dezi again, I might just have to dump Pierce. I'd feel awful, but Dezi is something I've never felt before. But I wanna get over him. And Pierce is like, just a perfect match. And he doesn’t want to be just friends. Which makes everything sooo confusing, because I really like Pierce, but I still feel a lot more strongly for Dezi, but Dezi doesn’t want anything to do with me, and Pierce does.

So, I was upset with my head in my hands and everything, and he just pulled my hands away from my face and held them. I guess it made me feel a little better, like it kind of did in the corridors, and made me feel… I don’t know, secure? Whatever. But we talked for a bit. And he asked me to dinner, just to try it out and see if I felt any better about starting something with him.

And I said yes, because I kind of do want something with him… And it wouldn’t hurt to go on one itty bitty date, would it? I think it might start making things un-confusing. . Ack!

On other notes? Well, I passed Charms, Herbology, and HoM. That's all I know right now. I also passed the Herbology final, but I failed the HoM final. Me failing the HoM final was inevitable, since I basically insulted him the whole time. Since I did so well in the rest of the class, I was good. But that was so much fun. Herbology was boring, but I passed it. I'm definitely gonna be a fourth year next year, since I passed three classes. [:

Until next time,

Aaryn ♥ Saeumi

[xxbrokenheartxx]

TERM IIII

thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

october twenty-eigth, two thousand seven.

Fall break officially sucked. Why? There is a simple reason, lets start.

So, we were all happy for a little bit. We went to the Hogshead for a meeting, but me and Pierce got kicked out. Not happiness at all. But we walked out hand in hand. That was fun. Though it may have been a bit obvious we were a kinda sorta couple at that point. Which is NOT what I wanted. So for a couple days we were happy, and then like, awfulness happens.

I get a letter. Now, the letter part isn't bad, what the letter read was the bad part. It told me that Mom got sent back to Askaban. But then Emmie showed the note to Pierce and he came and comforted me. This pen, was the last thing Mom sent. That's why I'm using it. I feel bad for Mom though. That stupid guy was being evil to her. She had a right to defend herself. When I grow up I'm going to go to a magical lawyer and get my mom out of jail. Because she shouldn't be there. Not at all.

So after I cried on Pierce's shoulder, fall break was boring. But GUESS WHAT! I saw Dezi and we talked. I was so happiful to see him. But now I'm confuzzled. Because I actually like Dezi more than Pierce. And so now that he's back, I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. Because I liked the way things where going. Now, I'm not so sure. -sigh-

On another note, classes started up again. I'm not signing up for Dueling Tatics. Which is good. If Ms. Frogs comes back she can face the maniac all on her own. Oh, ya! I got a letter from Ms. Frogs. She's been buzy. Hopefully she'll be back soon.

I'm a fourth year now, so now I get no more stupid TAs. Yay! But I still have Professor Lupin, aka, Ms Lupin. I haven't had many classes with her, but I remember not liking her. Well, perhaps I can put my dislike aside, and give her a clean slate. Yes, I think I will. I signed up for World of Literature. Professor A. Slughorn is fun. I think I'll enjoy this class. I might sign up for Muggle Studies, so I can have a class with Dezi.

No more right now. Toodles!

Aaryn ♥ Saeumi

[xxbrokenheartxx]

sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
through my opened ears inciting and inviting me
limitless undying Love which shines around me like a
million suns, It calls me on and on

november twelfth , two thousand seven.

Hmm... Not much has happened so far. Wait, I take that back, I went to the dance.

Dezi showed up when Pierce and I were kissing. Lemme tell you, that is not a good thing. He got really upset and pulled me and Pierce apart. Pierce got really pissed and got all up in his face and whispered something to him. Pierce was trying to start a fight, I know it. I'm just so glad Dezi didn't let Pierce get to him.

But Dezi said he wanted to know if I liked him still. I STILL LIKE HIM, I LIKE HIM LIKE CRAZY. I do. But I really don't want to hurt Pierce. I really don't. I would seem like such a bi-otch then. And I am... But not the point. Seriously. I have no flipping clue what to do. So I'ma take it slow with Pierce. See if there is any chemistry going on between us. Then... I dunno. But something tells me I don't belong with Pierce. Something tells me that I should be with Dezi. And I should... I don't know whats holding me back. Maybe I've grown fond of Pierce.

Other notes? Isn't this you favorite time of the show?

Hmmm... I haven't really done much. I saw Mr. Hardy the other day. I can't believe I'm actually friends with the head boy. ._. It seems so unlikely. But Mr. Hardy is purdy cool. Classes have been going fine. I did sumfin funky wif my wand the other day in charms. But I don't think it's that big of a deal. History of Magic is boring, and I feel sorry for Queety, because we hardly pay attention at all. I think I am on the verge of making a new friend, this girl, that's been in all my classes. We talk sometimes. Maybe we can make that sometime lots? Hopefully. --

Aaryn ♥ Saeumi