Miss Amanda Larsen's Journal

[amandalarsen]

This is the secret memoirs of Amanda Larsen
I'll stop the world and melt with you

____________________________________________________________

07/02/2007

Dreamless nights

I've never found the time to write one of these. I cannot even write an article for the Daily Prophet on the gossip section. Each day, morning and night, that goes by, I just fall into this blank world. Constantly I wonder what am I doing with my life. Classes are fine, don't worry, but my life is out of the loop lately. The sun is setting from where I'm sitting. The shades of pink and orange meshing well together as light blue starts to fade. Beautiful, isn't it?

You know when you've sat there for hours, staring at the ceiling for God knows how long, and there is just this one song that repeats in your head? Listening to the lyrics carefully, word for word, and you feel that your life is exactly what the singer is singing. Want me to show you? My hand will pay for this, I know, since it has been weeks since I've written long enough.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles, confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights,
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after-

And then my life suddenly shatters. Just the memories of this term and the last. I figured that my life is a big black hole right now. Where has everyone gone? My God, where has my mind gone? I feel... I feel forgotten. Sorry for the intrusion, but when you copy down lyrics, you just can't handle writing down what pops in mind. Well I can't help it.

Sometimes you picture me,
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said,
Then you say, go slow,
I fall behind,
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

The thing is, I'm always lost. I'm just out of my mind I guess. No one is there to catch me if I fall. I've got no one. But who am I to complain? I should have known not to trust many. There is only one person I can trust though, and that is myself. I'll fend for myself like I did during my first year. Who needs them, right? I'll be my own savior. I'll come and rescue myself. I'm... I'm alone.

The night is apparently here and I've been contemplating too long. It's been... an hour. I'm not even done writing. I just feel unfinished. Unsatisfied... angry.

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows, you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets, stolen, from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

You said, go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Maybe I'll fade away into the shadows of this school like many have done before me. Eventually I'll find myself back up. I'm whining too much. That is it. I need fresh air. I need to get out of her. But it's late. The pale moon outside my window is smiling at me. Telling me to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Hush my little child and dream. Dream. Dream.

Forgotten world, I'll cherish thee, but I must live on and be free. Free from my past few weeks. Free from all and you. I need sleep. We'll see what the day brings tomorrow.

[amandalarsen]

07/12/2007

In the summer time...

I'm a wreck. I shouldn't be. My finals have turned out for the best on my part of the end. I passed, barely. I've been promoted to fourth year, so that is one thing I'm excited about. It's been days, weeks, maybe a month since I've seen Alessa and Nathaniel. Classes do not count since you cannot talk casually amongst each other. And Tristam. Damnit, why do I dwell on that git? Because sadly I still like him.

My position as gossip columnist is over. I've given in my resignation for personal reasons. Maybe I can finally start clearing my mind. Summer session is in and I need to rest. I met a guy named Domonic Richards? He's quite the catch. Charming. Another reminder of Tristam Lane. Damn me for dwelling on that subject. It's just so hard when he's kissed you once and disappears right after. I'm a fool for falling.

Nothing too new is happening, again, on my end. I'm just sitting here in my cool tent, wandering what everyone is up to. Eventually life will pick up, right? I hope so because I need a new beginning. New term starts next week. Perhaps a new slate? Make some new friends and maybe put myself out there for a date? Hah, I cannot imagine myself dating anyways. My chance passed me by... or is it still there?

Enough about my being so emotional. I should get out and have some fresh air. Swim a bit. Have some lemonade and try to climb those towering sunflowers, even when we're not suppose to. Let's hope that I have a better day today, or a better week for that matter.

[amandalarsen]

07/25/2007

As the term begins...

It has been almost two weeks since I have updated you, my journal. There hasn't been much happening. Summer break went well I guess. Met a few people, including Levi Marshall. I can never tell the difference between him and his brother. They're twins.

School began already and so have classes. I'm surprised that Mr. Linn is my teacher again, professor of Herbology. I'm lucky I guess since he's always been an awesome teacher. My other Professors are nice too. The class I've enjoyed most, besides Herbology, is Transfiguration and Potions. Brewing is fun, especially with Nathaniel. Also Transfigurations and learning about animagus and such. I answered a couple of times. Oh and the best part is watching Professor Halliwell and the Headmistress turn from their forms back to normal.

It appears that I will not go to the Victory Ball. A great celebration for the defeat of Voldemort, but I wasn't asked nor did I feel like celebrating. Weird, huh? Also encountered Joe Moon. He's Head Boy! And Jodi is Head Girl! I'm very excited for her. She's such a wonderful person. Probably one of my greatest friends. Katy is still our captain for Quidditch, but the best! And Mark Lobo is co-captain. They're all awesome.

Nathaniel seemed to have lost his memory. A long story, but he mentioned that it was for the best. I'm glad to see that he is much better. A bit weak, but at least he remembers me. I miss him...

Um, besides that, I haven't done a whole lot. More studying and practicing spells I guess. Well, I'll update more later. Maybe.

[amandalarsen]

08/01/2007

You're the most beautiful thing that I have seen

Hello dear diary,

I know I haven't written in awhile. My mind is sort of blocked. Lets just say that I have had a few interesting encounters since my last entry. Though, classes have been fantastic! Not only did I get to use spells on hand, but against people. I enjoyed it very much. I'm just that type of person that is hands-on. Maybe this term I'll have high marks again like last. Perhaps that will win me a ticket to becoming a Prefect? I could only wish...

Mum sent me a note the other day. She mentioned Marissa being at school for quite a while. I haven't seen her yet, but I do plan on scouting her out one of these days. Mum told me she's in Ravenclaw. So while I'm at breakfast, I'll just have a glance at their table to find her. It's been so long since I've last seen her. I miss her just as much as her brother. Both are like my younger siblings. Though I have two already.

Peter hasn't decided if he wants to return to Hogwarts. I do hope that he does though. I miss him like crazy. What a nutter, you know? And I was so proud that he was in Gryffindor, our father's house when he was sorted. I'm too much like my mother, she was a Huffie. =)

The night of the Victory Ball, I met two Slytherins. I knew Shayne Kain from last term, a horrible meeting to begin with, but improved by the sun set. And the other, Lillian. I don't recall her last name, but one of these days I will. I may have come off the wrong foot with Shayne. Lillian the same since the two threw spells at each other. Lillian seemed more hurt than Shayne. However, it was odd. I mean it was like a dual personality with this boy. I cannot figure him out nor do I want to. He seems... dangerous.

Besides those two, earlier that day I did see Joe up in the Room of Requirements. He's Head Boy! But he doesn't seem too thrilled about it. Well I'll be happy for him. It's exciting, you know? Makes me wonder if I'll ever become Head Girl? There is a lot of competition though. So it will be unlikely. =/

I met another kid, Slytherin, his name is Brayden Channing. Quite the smashing young guy. Maybe I'm assuming he is young. Who knows these days! We enlarged a paper crane that I had been levitating around the hall. It was made with a color changing piece of parchment paper. Awesomeness. Also the idea of enlarging cookies too!

Oh! I met a former student of Trio's Hogwarts down at the Three Broomsticks. Very charming man, even if he doesn't look it or sound like one. I find him fascinating. His name is Shadow LeonHeart. He used to be in the house, Mihael. I'm finally getting to know more people, especially outside of school. He's definitely on top of my list. Hopefully I get to see more of him. Perhaps befriend him? Goodness, I'm so.. I dunno.. I'm such a social butterfly! Wow. o.o

Lastly, there was this french man in the tea parlour down Hogsmeade. Dashing guy he is. Very handsome. He was very helpful in choosing tea and treats. I went along and was very much pleased. However, being nosey, I may have scared him when looking over his shoulder at the Daily Prophet. Then again, he looked over my shoulder at my menu. What comes around, goes around? Anyway, he was very kind. Though believe me, it's no crush. =P

Anyway, that is all for now. I've written so much to catch you up. Good night.

[amandalarsen]

08/14/2007

Girl's Just Want To Have Fun

Classes have been fantastic so far. Not only did I do well in potions, which Nathaniel and I have been very good at, but Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts is fascinating! I like to practice the spells we've been taught. Though recently I tried them on Nathaniel and I was successful! Let's just say he was no happy camper.

However, it was all in due time that I'd catch him, especially for Alessa. We've finally had class with her, which I'm glad, since I've been worried about her. I haven't seen her for ages, so this will be good for all of us to see each other again. With a bit of my charm and trickery, I nailed Nathaniel in the hall and brought him to the lake to find her. That sounded so wrong, if you're into that sort of sexual inuendo. You sick pervs!

Anyway, I feel that I'm rather better than before. Much! Nathaniel and I have talked recently, and it was good, just sorting out through all our problems of last term. I guess this whole Shadow LeonHeart thing got me to thinking about love. What Nathaniel and I used to have cannot be compared to Alessa and Dezi's or those other couples out there. Ours was just innocent and not matured. But when will I ever find love?

I'll just keep telling myself not to look for it and that love will find me eventually. I don't mind staying single all my Hogwarts life anyway. I'd be better off so that I can concentrate on my classes, work, and my friends.

Oh! So we've got a new name for ourselves. Nathaniel, Alessa, and I are the Goonies! A movie inspired me, of course, since I've seen the muggle movie while I was at my Aunt's over the summer break. So, it's much better than the Three Amigos! People will be jealous because they'll want to be a Goonie like us. Hah. xP

So there hasn't been any new encounters in my life. Just the same old. I do wish to meet more people, but it's hard to when you cannot stand their noobish ways. I just cannot associate, do you blame me? The Quidditch team is a bit on the stall. Hopefully Katy has something up her sleeve. I cannot wait to start practicing or hopefully playing games.

You know, thinking all about school and friends and such, I wonder what will come of next term. Who will become captain after Katy? Will I become Prefect for Hufflepuff? Or Nathaniel for Slytherin? So many questions have recently been filling my mind, worrying, stressing me. And I know, I shouldn't be worrying about the future, but the present since it's most important. Bah, at least I don't write for the gossip column anymore. That's one less thing I don't have to worry about anymore. =) Yippee!

Ta ta for now!

[amandalarsen]

09/02/2007

The Cookie Crumbles

I haven't updated in awhile, and I'm terribly sorry for now writing in you my most trustworthy journal. A lot has happened since my last entry that I must inform you about. Also, I need a release from all that I have bottled up these past few weeks. I feel terribly drained. Sucks, doesn't it?

To start off, classes are well. I've pretty much attended all that I can. Potions and Herbology seem to be my best subjects. Sadly, Mr. Linn has to take all seven classes since that horrid woman, Mrs. Kohn, left. Good riddance, especially for those lower years. I don't blame them for despising the older lady.

It seems that the article I had written, gave to Nathaniel for additions, was sent in and read by the whole school. Truthfully, we did this for Alessa. A way to expose her to what happened with her boyfriend. Scratch out what I wrote in my last post about love. Love just seems to be a game around this school. No one truly respects the feeling of being in love or the ones that matter the most. I feel sorry for Alessa the most, and it hurts just to see her hurting.

Nathaniel is taking it calmly now than before. He hates to see her so sad like this. It's like, I've got this feeling that there is more to Nathaniel that what is in plain sight. I've known for a fact that Alessa and Nathaniel have been best friends before I came along. Now, the three of us are inseperatable. We've claimed ourselves the Goonies. =)

I was surprised to read the bit that Nathaniel had added about Tristam. What I feel is... confusion. I think he's forgotten about me and what has happened last term. Maybe I never was that important to him. A fling? It hurts when a boy toys with your feelings. Never really taking you seriously. But I bet he's found someone else, someone more better, more beautiful... than me.

Anyway, I saw Joe recently. He's a good friend of mine. Different among the others I'm associated with. But at least I can be real around him like I am with Nathaniel and Alessa. He's someone I can trust. Trust is an issue and only very few are on my list of who I trust. I'll be sad once he graduates; the same with Jodi.
Gawd, she's awesome. She's like the older sister I never had.

Good news! I was presented the position of captaincy of the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team. It seems that Katy sees a lot of potential in me to continue on with our hard work trainings and possibly a future Quidditch Cup winning. If the school ever starts with creating the games. I don't think anyone has really been in a 'real' quidditch match against other houses, but hopefully it can happen before I graduate. One can only hope.

Try-outs are difficult. There are only four members remaining from the original team. Just myself, Holden, Timothy, and Mark. Hopefully we can fill up the rest of the positions. There are a lot of potential Hufflepuffs out there that are perfect for the spots they have tried out for. Just have to decide if they are really good enough and willing to work hard during practices.

Oh well. I've written enough to update you journal. I've earned our house two-hundred and fifty points. I'm special like that I guess and very determined. Let's hope that Hufflepuff wins house cup this year. Well, I must be going to bed now. Eventually I'll have more to write about in the next few days. Ta ta for now.

[amandalarsen]

10/02/2007

I wished for you too...

I'm secretly writing as the hours in the night pass on through morning. It's been over a month since I've updated you on my life and it has been pretty interesting. I must recall days where I've spent studying and the distraction of Holden taking me away from those dusty books. And practices that seemed endless, but we're not complaining because it's thrilling to see the huffies enjoy quidditch once again.

Our OWLs are stressful with the end of term around the corner. Actually it's just in a few days and I look foward to spending almost every moment here at school. I'll reserve a day to visit mum and dad. Hopefully Peter will be around too and Rachel. Gosh, I do miss them dearly. I'm rather sad that Peter hasn't decided whether he'd like to return to Hogwarts or not.

Back to OWLs. I've passed a few of them, so I'm confident that I'll promote this term. I hope that Nathaniel and Alessa have done well on theirs too, and everyone else of course. Nathaniel seems like he's in a mess. I haven't seen his this down since the whole Herpo issue. And it's like the same attitude, but different situation.

I never realized how much girls have fawned over the guy, besides myself, but our time had come and gone. I do wish that things do become simpler for Nathaniel though. I wouldn't want to see him so drive away from the school and leave for a couple weeks to just avoid people.

Oh, the school issued a buddy system. Of course I signed up and within a few weeks, I've been assigned to a first year Mihael named Alexander Molentez. Nice young chap if you ask me. Our first meeting went very well. I was surprised he knew several facts about myself. Though I wish to include Prefect, but I am not one, Terra has that title. =/

Anyway, I've been hanging out mostly with Holden. We had some sort of snowball fight up in the tower. It was fun, I can admit that here freely, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Even if we were frozen human-sicles. Hah, that sounds funny. And then hot chocolate down in the kitchen, it was just all pleasant.

However, I cannot forget the library incidents. First we played with the catalog cards and you know the librarian wasn't too happy. Sadly he left and another arrived. He only lasted for a couple of days. And do my surprise, James Singer returned, and he is now our librarian. He's a great guy, graduated during my second term if I remember right. During that time he was the quidditch captain.

I should really be going to bed now. It's past one-thirty in the morning. I know, I'm actually done with all my finals, but still, early bird gets the worm. Breakfast should be fulfilling, so I'd like to get their early. Plus, I do need my beauty rest. Hah, that was funny, beauty rest. -.- G'nite.

[amandalarsen]

10/27/07

She's not afraid; she just likes to use her night light
When she gets paid, true religions gets it all
If they fit right.

She's a little bit manic, completely organic
Doesn't panic for the most part.

Her eyes, that's where hope lies.
That's where blue skies
Meet the sunrise.

She's not afraid
she just likes to use her night light.

Goodbye my Almost Lover

Since the end of last term, things have been great. Fall break was so wonderful and I cannot even describe how much fun I had. Well, I can actually, but not all in detail. First, I visited mum, dad, and the rest of the family. It was so nice to be in my own bed for the night and to catch up with the family. I miss it so much, but I just know that only several more months and I'll graduate. Then I can visit as often as I want. Not sure if I'll move back home since I'll need to be on my own. It's time that I become independent.

Anyway, the last day my family and I went shopping a bit before we departed. I was going to spend the whole day just roaming the streets and continue window shopping until I came across Holden by Starbucks. You could say it was a surprise for me because it's odd for two people to cross paths on the same day, especially with London being so big. Anyway, we decided to be little troublemakers and mess with the Royal Guard of Buckingham Palace. Our charms did not work sadly. =(

However I must add that I had a lot of fun with Holden. I don't think there was really anyone else I spent the most time with besides him. I find myself always wanting his company, but that's great that we're in the same house so that I could always seek for him in the common room. Anyway, with break still in session, I ventured around and came across these HUGE acromantula webs. Big enough for me to jump on, and yes I did it! There I met Brendan Slater, a Mihael, and my cousin! Marissa! I'm so happy to run in to her.

I miss Marissa and it has been so long since I've last seen her. Mum and dad did tell me she was around, but I could never find her around the school. Maybe I've been too busy with school, quidditch, and friends. Anyway, gosh! We look so alike that I'm sure people can see the resemblance between us. We're almost like twins, however, I'm older. That's it! Everything else we're almost alike. It's sweet. Maybe I can play a trick on Holden and show him my mini-me!

Bah, what am I saying anyway? With break ending and the new term already starting, I signed up for the usual mandatory classes and added a couple optional: Animagus and World of Literature, both I look forward to this term. I want to be a rabbit! But who knows what I want to be until I've thoroughly search through possible animal forms. As for World of Literature, yay! That's all. It stinks that Charms was the first subject to start first. I swear Professor H. Slughorn wants to torture us. OHYEAH! I'm a 6th year. =)

So I woke up late the other morning to a screaming alarm letter from Holden. We were suppose to have try-outs that morning for the team. I may have looked very unprofessional, given that my appearance was so terrible, and that I have attacked Holden to the ground where it was all muddy. So yes, after ranting and screaming and tackling, I felt relieved. We were muddied up, but I think I made it worse between Holden and I after that whole bit. =(

I miss him. After he tried apologizing a million times, I ignored him, but inside I felt so bad that I just couldn't speak to him. I'm so guilt-driven. Even in classes now, I feel that I've ruined our friendship. Why must I get so hot-headed so quickly? I mean, I couldn't really keep a grudge against him so long. And now that I haven't talked to him for awhile, I miss it. I miss having fun, random conversations, and plotting to cause havoc in the library, even if James is the new librarian.

The funny thing is, I never thought I'd come close to anyone other than Alessa and Nathaniel. Holden is the first outside our group since Tristam. -.- He left by the way. Gone away. It hurts like hell that he never really said goodbye and how things were left between us. However, Holden filled that void that's been ripped out because of Tristam. What am I saying? Holden is a great guy! Hopefully he doesn't leave me like Tristam did. I might go insane, not literally.

Gah! I don't know what I'm saying here. I haven't written so long and my head is a mess. Maybe I should focus on the upcoming Halloween Ball. I haven't decided what to be yet, but I think maybe Alice in Wonderland. I can pull her off. =) I'm not going with anyone so far, so maybe I'll meet up with Alessa and Nathaniel if they are going. It is a social event in our school, so who wouldn't go? At least that can be the highlight of my October. We'll see...