Post by Alessa Gillespie on Sept 25, 2007 3:46:24 GMT -5
XxXx
Xx
09/25/2007
I never thought Id actually write in one of these. Sitting on my four poster bed, staring out the window. Thinking that everything in my life has been a waist really. Everything expect one thing. Meeting him, and of course my best friend Amanda. But it just seems like every time I let myself get close to a guy, it only brings heart ache and suffering for me. I don't know what I have ever done to anyone to deserve this pain. Tristam was the first to bring me down, and he wasn't the last. Dezi was the next, all my life people have been treating me badly. But why? I must of done something awful in my previous life or something to deserve this.
Then I think as I am writing this. When I am with him, i never feel alone. I never feel like the world is against me. When I am in his arms, his breath against my neck. His warmth and security that he gives me. My Nathaniel. The one that I finally admit out loud. And on paper, that I love with all my heart and soul.
I thought I was in love with Dezi, boy i was wrong. I should of seen this sooner. I should of, everything in my life with guys has been a mistake. Why couldn't I have seen that he was the one for me? He was right in front of my face the whole time. His love for me shown, i never seen how much I needed him until now. And now hes all i ever think about. I want to be with him, yet only time will tell. I will not push anything with him. So I will wait, I will wait for the day that he knocks on my door and sweep me off my feet. For he is the one who holds the key to my heart...
-Alessa
