Love, Queety

[Queety White]

The private journal of Miss Queety.
If you're reading this right now, I'd suggest you put it down and walk away.

[Queety White]

1/2/08

Okay, so this year, I PROMISE to write in this journal at least once a week. My last one was just terrible. Two weeks would go by and I would forget to write. But I'll leave it right on my bed so I'll at least remember to jot down any of the latest happenings that are going on in my life.

And that last three months have, for once, been eventful. Although it was not the way I would have wanted it.

The school closed down in October. Apparently people were complaining about Hermione's role as headmistress and with the whole muggle break-in and whatnot. Honestly, I don't think it was her fault at all. She could not control when she was gonna go into labor and have Michelle. Honestly, they can't blame her for having a child the same time muggles decided to take a look at our school. Sheesh...

Well, those ministry jerks were able to close the school down and sent us all home. Did they not realize that some of us did not have a home outside of Hogwarts? If they didn't, they should have spoken with me because that started a downward spiral in my life. It totally sucked.

I was left without a job and a home so I started living with Nessa and Sirius. But I couldn't stay there too long. It was awkward and I felt like I was taking advantage of them. So I moved in with Kelly. But we have not been friends that long and it was awkward as well. So there I was jumping from friend to friend. I was going crazy. I had almost no money left. My cats were going unfed. All that I had left was a large bag of some personal stuff because I had to sell everything else.

I could only just sit indoors every day and write. I just kept working on my novel to keep from going insane. And I finished it! But I've gotten three rejections slips so far from various publishing companies. I can't send it to any muggle publishing companies either, unless I edit the whole story and take out all the magic parts. So I've got a few more publishing companies here in the UK to try out.

But, yeah, things were getting worse. So I decided that maybe I should get a small job. At least make some money for bread and perhaps a flat of my own. Two days after I made that decision, I find out that Trio's was going to reopen. But it was going to be different. Apparently, it was going to be a university now for students 18 and up. So, another suckish moment. I'm still seventeen! I won't be eighteen for another month! But I figured perhaps if I couldn't get my old job back, I'd go as a student and perhaps work part time.

Well, I go there to apply for a job. Just to see if I could. And I got it. So, I'm sitting here back in my old apartment with my cats. My large bag holding everything I still possessed is sitting on my bed. It won't take too long to unpack. It'll be a rough road to get back to where I once was but I'm ready to start bringing things back to the way they were.

And then, I got the future to look forward to.

Love, Queety.

[Queety White]

1/11/08

Dammit! Off by two days. Well, I guess that's what I get by distracting myself with the random things in life. So, what's been going on lately you ask? Well, let me tell ya.

I love the new school! It's nice to feel back at home even though it's not exactly the same. It still has that same home like feel. It does feel weird though to have older students walking around everywhere. I'm sure it will be even weirder in classes. I already had to make them harder, which meant that I had to put in a hell of a lot more work. Some of the stuff that I put in the lesson plan even I did not learn when I was a student. So, it'll be a learning experience for all of us.

Most of the old people are back but there are a handful of new staff members. I think I should get to know them. Welcome them to our community. I really need to get out there and meet more people. The new school has attracted a lot more new people to Britain, most of them for the sake of curiosity. It'll give me an excuse to do something besides sit around and make up these lesson plans that make my head spin.

I haven't seen Straw in quite a while and it's very interesting how I can't stop thinking about him now. I was ashamed to go to him for help when I was out of a job and stuff. I did not want him to see me at my lowest point. But now that I'm on the up and up, I feel the desire to see him again.

That and the fact that he still does not know how I feel about him. I really think I should tell him. If I remain this passive and wait for him to make a move, well, who knows? Maybe another girl will come in and steal his heart. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened. I had heard some things about another woman who Straw was interested in and who had distracted him for a while. Never knew much about her but it did bug me that day I saw Straw walking down the street with another woman. Gosh, jealous tendencies. How mature am I! [That's sarcasm, my dear journal].

Well, let's just take things a day at a time, I say. I'll see what the next step will hold for me. And I'll keep smiling through it all.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

1/19/08

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

...

No, not my wife. I don't swing that way. Haha. It's a song I heard on the radio yesterday and it's really a good description of how I've been feeling lately. I know what you're thinking. Queety? Emo and depressed? The world is going to end! Yes, I have cried in my bed after what had happened. And I'm probably about to cry again as I'm writing this.

I finally told Straw how I felt about him, though I didn't tell him that I thought I loved him. I just told him that he was a very special person in my life and that I really, really liked him. And he kissed me. I'm telling ya, journal, it was a wonderful kiss. One that I didn't want to end. Ever.

But when it did end, Straw told me that he was sorry he had kissed me. He's under the impression that he could not give me what I needed. He said he had messed up before and he does not want to do it again. But I feel like he deserves another chance.

Am I just being selfish and trying to come up with excuses to convince myself that he and I should be together? I really don't know. But what I do know is that I'm not going to just drop this. I could sense that he felt something when he kissed me.

Perhaps if we kissed again, maybe he'd understand that everyone deserves another chance and some habits were meant to be broken. I will not stop trying to convince Straw that we would both be happy together until we are together.

And I don't care what it takes.

Because I do love him.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

2/12/08

So who sucks at keeping up with journal entries? *raises hand* So, a lot of stuff has happened since I last wrote in this good ol' journal.

First of all, I'm going to driver's education with Straw. It's weird to be in the muggle areas of London just because I'm usually not there, but it's been fun. It's nice to be able to be around Straw in a friendly atmosphere. There was just once instance where his appearance made things kind of awkward, and that was just because I was talking to Kelly about him just a few moments prior. But he seemed so chill about it and I had no choice but to stay relaxed and myself as well.

The biggest news though is that my novel was finally published! Another Dreamer is going to be in stores next week. It's gonna be amazing to walk into Flourish and Blotts and be able to see it. I don't know how far the novel will go but it's awesome to know that I am officially a published novelist. A student came to interview me and apparently will write up an article in the Prophet as a student reporter. That will be even more exciting and will add to the publicity.

Classes have been going well. It's a hell of a lot less stressful because I only have to teach one class a day. So I've had a lot more free time. I'm hoping to take advantage of that free time in the near future. We'll just have to see as the time goes on.

I promise to write more frequently...

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

2/24/08

I guess I often break promises...

Yeah, there's been nothing really interesting going on in my life. Nothing worth writing about. Life seemed to have slowed down a bit. I haven't talked much to any of my friends. Nothing new has happened with Straw.

There are two pieces of exciting news though. The first is that Nessa and Sirius finally got engaged. The second of the musketeers to be so. It's obviously going to be Jackie and Brandon next. They've been together for a while. I'll probably be the last one because my relationships are few and far between. I can only dream of Straw getting down on one knee...

Anyways, the other exciting thing that happened is that I found out Keyara, my cat, is pregnant. I don't know which of my other two cats is the father but it's really exciting to know that I'll soon have more kittens in my apartment. I'll probably give some away to students and whatnot just so I don't get the Crazy Cat Lady name again. I was called that for a bit but then it died down. And I don't want it to come back up again.

But I can't help it if I like cats so much. xD

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

4/27/08

Whoa! Look who sucks at keeping up with her journal...

It's been over two months. Keyara just lays around everywhere, not doing much. She should be having her kittens soon. I've decided to give most of them away but then keep a couple for myself. I think I will give the kittens away to students anyway so I could still see them often. Ahh, I remember when Shadow and Keyara were kittens. Ben is still a kitten, I think. I don't know. He's such a tiny cat, I can't tell. I'm assuming that Shadow's the father but I wouldn't be surprised if Keyara had been spending time with some of the other cats in this school. I do let them wander the castle as they please...

Anyways, I'm sitting here just staring at the wall. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Harmony's birthday was back in February. I decided to take the courage and try to get Straw to give me one more chance. I tried kissing him but he pushed me back. He told me that it just wouldn't work because there was another woman out there for him, one that was unexpected. Wasn't I unexpected?! Didn't he tell me he was surprised when I first told him my feelings. Now, I'm stuck here knowing that I just have to give up on him or hold on until things fade with him and that 'other girl.'

I'm curious to know who that other girl is though. I'd really like to meet her and find out what makes her so special to him. I just don't get what is wrong with me. What am I missing that makes him love her so much more than me. The only thing I'm hoping is it's not one of our friends. It would kill me if it was Kelly or Harmony or someone like that. I remember when I lost Jonny to a friend. I remember how much it hurt to love him and not have that same love back. Why does this always happen to me?

I was thinking about Jonny recently. We have barely talked since he left again, aside from the occasional owl. Things seem great for him where ever he is. I'm still here, stuck in the same place for three years and for the first time, wanting to escape the castle. Wanting to get out.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

6/03/08

But I’ll keep holding back my heart
I will not let him see
I gonna bide my time
until the day he comes to me

I'll admit it. I just wasn't in the mood to discuss all the happenings of the past month. I've gone through an emotional roller coaster but I think, now things are gonna be all right. I have my friends and there's nothing I'm gonna do to lose them.

So all that happened, learning that Straw had strong feelings for Harmony over me and that pain that came with it, is in the past. I have a new future to look forward to now. It's a new term at the school coming up and I'm ready to start out some of my newest ideas. There are a lot more pathways now that require HoM as a class so hopefully I'll see some excitement there. I thought things were finally settling down a bit in my life and I could just smile and great the new day.

But what is interesting now is that Eric Pastrano has returned. Oddly enough, my first reaction was not 'YES! Harms is gonna go to Eric and I can have Straw to myself!' but rather, 'I hope she makes the right choice.' At this point, I don't care who she chooses. In the end, somebody has to lose and the winner takes it all. I can no longer be involved except to be the friend with a smile. Harmony has to make the choice. I'm glad I would never have to be in the same position she is now but I'll support her through the whole thing.

And as for Straw, I'll give it time...

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

7/17/08

I'm leaving.

No, no, not for good. I could never leave the place that means more to me than anything else. I could never leave Britain, my home. I could never leave the castle, my refuge. I could never leave my friends, my true family. No, what I'm leaving is the everyday crap that is just making me lethargic. I need a change of scenery. I need to see fresh faces and hear people make fun of the British accent I've worked so hard to get over the last two and a half years.

I'm probably making the biggest mistake of my life.

I promised I would never return but every day I've been wanting, needing to see that old place. Perhaps my desire to go back to the simpler days when nobody was confused. Nobody loved someone who they couldn't have. When nobody was mature.

I don't want to be mature anymore. I want to be a kid again.

I hate this mature crap that I've been faking for the last year and a half. Whatever happened to the old Queety? Earlier today I climbed trees with this guy, Emitt. It was the most fun I had in a long time. And I realized it was because it was the old Queety shining through. The Queety before her heart was broken, the Queety that was a musketeer, the Queety who loved adventure and getting into trouble.

I'm leaving the new Queety and going back to the old.

My desire to go back to the states started back a while ago, back around my birthday. And every day it's just gotten harder and harder to resist. Finally, since I've been so frustrated with the lack of professors and the school having trouble and the term not starting and Straw moping around and Harmony feeling like a tramp and everything else, she just wanted the desire to get away and see something different. Yet it was something familiar, something that could possibly bring the old Queety back.

But what if I regret going back to the place that I promised to never visit again?

What if I see my family? My old friends? The first guy I thought I loved? It's really frustrating but I feel like it's something I have to do. So, I'll mention it to my friends, hope they can survive three weeks without me and hope for the best. Maybe by the time I return things will be better. Or at least different.

I'm leaving for Boston in a few weeks.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

7/28/08

Well, only a few days until my plane leaves from London. I figured muggle transportation was the safest because I could never trust myself to apparate that far or use floo powder or something. And flying by broomstick would be too boring. I'd have to focus on not screwing up and going into the ocean for hours. I'd rather leave that job up to muggle pilots. I trust they know what they're doing. Sort of.

It'll be weird living in the muggle world for three weeks. I'll still have my wand with me but it's not like I can really use it unless I could find some magical areas in Boston. I'm sure there are some that I'm just unaware of right now. But other than that, I'm staying in an apartment and just living it up. I'm so grateful I got in touch with an old friend who was willing to let me rent it for three weeks while she went on a backpacking trip. At least that's one person from my past who doesn't hate my guts for suddenly disappearing.

I'm a little worried about running into my family. I told my old friend to keep my return a secret but who knows? I mean, Boston is a big city but you never know what Fate has to play in it. I'm really nervous but I know it's the best thing. I just need to get away from everything for a while and I know when I get back, things will have changed but for the better.

The cats are excited. I'm not bringing them all, though. Just Keyara, Shadow, and Ben. Odyssey, Symphony, and the other kittens are staying at a local vet to be cared for while I'm gone. I'm just grateful I didn't have to ask Straw or Jackie or someone to watch them or have to bring them all to America with me. Ugh, I think I really am a crazy cat lady if I have to worry about what to do with all my cats and kittens. Ha.

Anyways, I'm pretty much packed up and ready to go. Most of my friends know about this trip and have already wished me luck. I think I really need this refresher even if it means taking a trip through my past in a way. I've just been reading through my [lack of] journal entries this year and I've realized that lately things haven't been in my favor so maybe it's time to start carving my own path and making my own decisions so things do work in my favor. We'll see this Saturday...

I wonder if my old Boston accent will come back by the end of three weeks or if I'll be considered the odd one with the British accent. That will be interesting to find out.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

8/6/08

Well, it could have turned out better.
But I'm not complaining.
Because it could have been much worse.

As soon as I got to the apartment in Boston, I opened the door to see three of my old best friends standing there, ready to scream surprise. Now I like surprises as much as the next guy but this was definitely not the one I was hoping for. Sure my friend who was letting me stay at her apartment for three weeks was good enough not to tell my family I'm back but she could not help but tell some of my old friends. I realized I would have to be more careful because if one person told three people and they each told three people... well, it wouldn't be a chain reaction that works in my favor.

I was happy to see old friends, regardless. They seemed to think nothing of my sudden disappearance over two years ago. We got a movie and hung out like old times. As if I had never left. I could not tell whether or not it was a show but eagerly accepted it anyways. It was tons of fun and we acted like the same silly kids we were back in the day. They loved the cats and made fun of my British accent. I attempted the Boston one again but it just came out weird. They asked me if I had a boyfriend, I laughed, wondering whether or not to tell them that they only guy I was interested in did not share the same feelings back. Overall, it was just some good fun.

There were times, though, when I couldn't help but compare them to my friends back home. I kept thinking 'That's something Lils would do' or 'His hair kinda reminds me of Straw's except not as crazy.' You get the point. I didn't realize I would miss home that quickly and it had only been the first night.

Well, after everyone left and I had the apartment to myself, I opened a window and just stared out into the city. This was what I had missed more than anything. The lights, the action, the diversity of people. Staring out the window, I wondered how many of those people walking the streets were actually wizards, people I passed by without a second glance before. It would be hard to pick them out. American wizards were known for blending well into the muggle world since they were more into to the muggle technology.

The second day turned out much more different. The same group of friends came back and we went out for the day to go shopping. I had completely forgotten how American currency worked and had to use my awesome math skills to figure out whether things were worth buying. Hopefully, I don't end up broke before heading home.

They had not told anyone about my return, much to my relief, but, as they asked me while we ate lunch, they wanted to know why I left in the first place and where I was. I was not sure exactly how to explain it so I stalled, talking about something cute Ben did the night before or whatever, but I could tell their patience was running thin. This 'acting like Queets never left' show was starting to wear off on them and they were downright curious.

So, I gave in and told them everything. Minus the magic part of course. I told them how I was asked into a special school in England [my friends figured it was not 'special' in a good way since I was a straight C student at my old school]. My parents forced me out of it after only two terms but I refused to allow myself back to a 'normal school.' So I ran away from home and dropped all connections with America. I told them I had since graduated and was a History teacher there [which they did not believe at all. I never liked history until perhaps a year and a half ago]. Then I explained that the school shut down and a university was erected where I now teach as a professor. That's when they began to believe I wasn't telling the truth.

Well, let them believe what they want to. The only part of my adult life they believed was that I wrote novels. I didn't tell them about the one I published because they would ask to read it and that was a big 'no-no.' I wasn't out to expose the magical world so my friends could be satisfied with a good story.

They asked me why I came back and I bit my lip. I didn't know exactly how to explain all my frustrations and boredom lately. Finally, I shrugged and said I wanted a change in scenery and was curious to what was going on in my old home. It did not satisfy them. It did not explain why I wouldn't announce my 'big return home.'

And the friendliness stopped after that. I haven't seen them since then. I don't know if they'll tell anyone else I'm here. I wonder if they still think I'm lying to them. Because, for the most part, I'm telling the truth. In reality, I'm just keeping secrets that I have to keep for the sake of the world I now consider myself a part of.

Yesterday, while walking through the park, I decided to climb a tree. Just because it was something somewhat acceptable back home. It got me nothing more but in trouble with one of the park patrollers or whatever. So there I abandoned any plan of finding that 'old Queety' I was searching for here.

I've considered about three times already coming back home to Britain. It's just like the old days. I don't feel like I belong here. I've spent all of today just sitting in the apartment working on my newest story. Buckett's gonna kill me when he finds out I modeled my main character after him. Ha.

I miss my friends back home.
And I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay here for three weeks.
I've only been gone five days and things aren't turning quite like I've planned.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

8/13/08

Well, that was awkward.
My so-called 'friends' ditched me as soon as they found out they weren't going to find out about what I was doing with my life. I told them the truth for the most part. Sucks that they only were friendly because they wanted to find out the gossip. Well, I don't think they've told anyone else considering I haven't seen anyone in particular that I know.

Well, there was one person. Didn't I mention awkward? My first boyfriend happened to be in the same coffee shop as I the other day. It was definitely not what I expected or wanted. He was one of the three people I had hoped not to see here. And by Fate he just happens to be at the same coffee shop.

At first I thought he pretended to just 'happen' to be there, but the look on his face when he saw me proved otherwise. He did not recognize me at first but then when I smiled, trying to be friendly, his face lit up. He practically hurdled over tables and chairs to get to me and then I couldn't breathe because he was hugging me so hard. It would have been more awkward if I wasn't the person he thought I was.

Anyways, this past week we've been hanging out. He was going to Boston University at the time. I forgot that most muggles my age would not be full time professors but rather went to college. So, whenever he wasn't in classes, we would be doing things in the city. I looked at Boston through the eyes of a tourist. It was really weird but tons of fun. He didn't seem at all bothered with the attractions that he basically saw every day.

So the awkwardness about it was the fact that we've been acting just like friends. I never thought that possible. I thought at one point that I loved him. But I was only fifteen at the time and it meant nearly nothing. I'm past over him but I still wonder if he is as upset about my disappearance as my friends were. He hasn't asked me about what I was doing and or anything too personal. He just seems happy to hang out with me again. Well, perhaps I should enjoy it. I don't know the next time I'll be able to come back here again.

So, this week has been a blur to me. I can't believe that I'm already half-way through this trip. Next Saturday I'll be back home getting ready for the new term. I guess, this refresher trip really had some good points to it. I'm having a whole lot more fun now than I did the first few days. Thank God!

I still miss home.
But I think I'll tough this out.
Things have gotten better.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

11/25/08

Gosh.
Well.
So much being good at keeping a journal.

Not that much has happened since I returned from Boston. School started up again. The classes are a little slower but nothing too bad. It could be worse I guess. The majority of my friends are off on their own little pathways of life and I have continued on my own. A couple more story ideas have been forming in my head and I started back to writing. Maybe I can get another novel in the process of being published soon. That would be awesome.

My cats are still the best cats in the world. They like to roam the castle a lot and interact with many of the students. It's great for them to be social. I don't really like cats that are spoiled and spend all their time just sitting around waiting for their next meal. My cats are loveable beings.

People come and go. I don't really feel much from that anymore. I know in the end I'll see them again and if not, we still have the ties of the heart. I don't plan to go anywhere for quite a while. I am actually quite happy here.

Oh, and I have found that I just may be madly in love with Straw Buckett.

I was sitting here on my bed questioning why I stuck by his side through everything. I mean, aside from the obvious he's-my-best-guy-friend-and-it's-written-in-the-contract-that-I-stick-by-him thing. I'm obviously not the woman he is really interested in other than as friends. Even if he says that I am something special to him, I could never compare to Harmony or Kat or any of those other girls.

And even though I always feel like I'm second, I still stand by him and still hope for one day. And as I was wondering why I still stood there and hoped. It was because this little crush that started back when we were still just kids really wasn't a crush anymore. And it wasn't that I could just say I loved him. It's more than that now even though I have tried to deny that to myself.

But, just as always, there was some complication. He had told me that he was unsure of his feelings at the moment and [I'm getting a sense of deja vu here] there was another woman involved. At least it wasn't one of my best friends like last time. But this was someone that I could obviously see that Straw cared for. So, I still have the look on my face that it doesn't matter to me. That I know he'll see in time.

But, in reality, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of waiting around, dreaming, and hoping that he'd see straight. So, I decided that if he is going to choose Kat over me, then I'm done. I will force myself to get over him. It shouldn't be too hard. I mean, I am a happy and bubbly person and just letting go of some really strong feelings toward someone shouldn't be to hard. I've done it before, right?

But, then again, those feelings weren't as strong.
And that person also did not live in that close of a proximity from me.
Actually, now that I think about it, that person had never even been to Britain.

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

12/14/08

Interesting bit of advice I gave a friend the other day. I might as well have been giving it to myself. I didn't realize it until after I spoke with Straw that the words I had said had a bigger meaning for myself.

Maybe you're just being too unrealistic about your vision of happiness...It's like you're trying too hard to find happiness...Happiness does not have to have the 'happily-ever-after' commercialized ending...

That's how I always saw it. I always looked for the best out of everything and hoped for a near future where everyone was satisfied. Where everyone was happy. But was I just being too unrealistic. Was it because of the books I write, where I can escape to a world where I can control the definition of happy, that lead to my belief that everything in life is moved through like a dream?

Would I ever wake up and face reality? That's what I have been questioning myself for the last couple days. Even when things went wrong, I still carried a smile. Could it possibly be because my optimism is too unrealistic? That I just avoid everything that seems slightly unpleasant with the same excuse that I'm just a dreamer?

Getting hit in the face with rain was like getting smacked in the face with reality. I'm trying to look at everything different now but it's so hard to change your ways and your mindset over night. And there's also the fear...

Do I even want to wake up from this dream?

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

[[several pages were torn out of the journal, followed by the following pages, some of them torn in half and large words written across them as well as some sections scribbled out]]

2/25/09
Idiot! I can't believe I acted that wa--

--one day I'll wake up and realize that everything was just a li---

You can dream all you want,
but eventually you have to wake up.
I don't want to ever wake up.

---TE HIM! I HATE HIS GUTS!

I'm lying to myself. I'm being selfish!

I can't go with this smile, this lie that everything's great. I know what I want but I can't have it because it only exists in my dreams.

---body knew how much I lo----

golden smile... silver tears...

SELFISH!

I will get over him.
I WILL GET OVER HIM.
I WILL GET OVER HIM!

Nothing seems good enough, it's not up to my standard.
Put me in a coma, forever in my dreams.
Because waking up isn't good enough
I can't believe I lost...

Love, Queety

[Queety White]

6/6/09
...
Seems almost fitting to start a new journal now.
It's late. Nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. And I got this new notebook especially for writing in. It's been months, I know. But as I look at my old journal... well, let's just say it's not in the best shape any more.

What was I thinking then? I must have not been thinking at all. It's an understatement to say I overreacted a little bit. But the past is in the past and I've apologized for my behavior. Straw and I are best buddies again and things seem to be like they were back in the beginning.

And now that I'm looking back on it, I think things turned out the way they were supposed to be.

So, as I begin the new chapter in my story, I think I've grown up a little more. I'm an adult now and I've been one for a lot longer than I actually thought. So, now is the time for me to start acting like an adult. No more yelling and throwing things when it doesn't go my way. No more living life in a fantasy that I've created so I can avoid things such as pain and disappointment.

I think I'm being very supportive of Straw and Kat's engagement and their baby. The baby part stung me at first, not because of what that implies about the things they do (ugh...don't wanna think that), but just because I had to find out through the newspaper and not through them. But I'm much better now. Baby Buckett's gonna love his or her Auntie Queety who will spoil them and buy them candy even if Mommy and Daddy say no.

And speaking of newspapers, what is up with the gossip column?! At first I thought it was annoying. Now, it's downright pointless. I stopped reading the prophet because I'd rather hear about what's going on with my friends through them. And how the heck are they getting all this information anyway? It's not like any of the people in our group have any passion for writing gossip articles...

Hmmm... what other topics can I write about to avoid the topic of one Charlie Hamilton? It seems like I can't get him out of my mind and it's driving me crazy. I can't deny that I find him attractive but I just don't know what I think of him. I barely know much about him. He's one of those kinds of people who hide everything in. And then there's the fact that he was with Kat at some point. Now, Kat's not my best friend in the world but I'm not sure if the 'don't date your best friend's ex' rule applies here. WAIT!! No, I'm not thinking of dating him.

Ugh, but I can't help but be all giggly and self conscious around him. I've never blushed this much around other guys. Maybe I should just have fun though, enjoy the fact that this particularly attractive male is showing me even the smallest bit of attention. Worst case scenario, he becomes a friend of mine. Best case scenario... heehee. I shouldn't be thinking of this though.

I need to be careful this time.

Love, Queety