rough hands [alex's journal]

[Alex Clearblood]

Alex's Journal
Its your own risk.
You might not like what you see.
Ignorance is bliss, really.

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[Alex Clearblood]

11 July 2009, half four a.m, the dungeons.

Its not gay that I have a journal is it? Its mostly for lyrics i feel fit my mood.. Sounds well gay innit?. Its half four a.m and im wide awake, with a cigarette in my mouth. I brought a candle down to the dungeons for light.
Life is alright for me now, knowing my ignorant self I can ignore bad things that happen. I havent heard from dad yet, I honestly wonder if he even realises im gone.
Mother sent me an owl, how dare she try make contact with me, i dont want her contact, i dont want her presence anywhere near my being, i want her dead. So I brought a 70 cl bottle of whiskey and drank it neat while I was in the forest, in the morning I woke up in the maze, with no clue how I got there. A girl named Lola came and helped, well she said she didnt, but shes an ignorant lil git anyway.

The one person at Hogwarts I actually found interesting, I actually found her attractive, i found her beautiful. Who knew me speaking to her, asking her a few questions would make me lose her forever. The ordeal in the dungeons was actually one of the most childish things I've ever had to endure. How can someones mood shift so much? When she gets comfortable, she rips herself away, its actually stupid. I stood there, and couldnt believe it was happening, what was the need like? To get me to hate her so I would walk away, so it would make it easier for her? She isnt as tough as she thinks she is, she really is just scared. And I dont doubt that for a second.

So I walked away with one thought in my mind, I would have made an attempt. I would have slowly tried to melt down her ice walls, but she built them in stone. I stand behind the wall now, just for being myself. Well fu*k that. Im going to Hogsmeade tonight, heard the off licence doesnt shut until half ten. I hope she doesnt find me.

She says i swear too much,
She says a lot of things,
Well I'd swear every other word if I could
For her I'll make an attempt.

All my bones are dust,
Two people too damaged too much too late
and my heart's sealed with rust.

One day my hands were too soft,
One day she said, "I'm tired".
One day, empty bottles.



-- Alex