Post by Straw Buckett on Jan 6, 2013 19:11:07 GMT -5
A new emptiness had taken over. Straw couldn’t explain it and nor did he want to. He was out of control and struggling. Straw would always love his children, in fact there was no greater joy then having them wrap their arms around his neck and kiss him. He loved waking up to find them sprawled in his bed, he loved how they would run to him when upset and have him kiss their ‘boo boos’ better, 'Daddy’s magical kiss' he called it and it always seemed to solve the problem. But something was missing and Straw was struggling to fill that empty gap Kat had left behind. An emptiness that irritated and itched, a hole he felt he needed to fill because to have it sit so empty in his chest was becoming unbearable.
Straw tried endlessly to fill it but with every girl that threw herself at him came the same dull ache. Have fun, just relax, let it happen, he’d been told. ’Don’t go looking for it, it will come when you least expect it.’ He’d put so much hope into finding the answer in each face, each kiss, that when they did not give him the buzz he so desired Straw was left a crumpled mess all over again. Straw was not after a quick fix, although each girl seemed to replace the next, no he wanted a wife. He wanted someone to understand him, someone to be comfortable with, have a long history with, someone who gave him a buzz, someone to endlessly love him and be devoted to only him. Straw wanted the settled life, he hated dating and frankly dating was not him anymore.
And so he sat, hands fumbling with each finger as he nervously waited in the hospital waiting room. He needed help and felt stupid for admitting it. Straw was never one to openly share his emotions, that was always left for a select three. But even then it was only Kat he openly confessed his deepest secrets to and without her.. he was stuck. Straw could accept Kat was gone, he didn’t want her back but it was everything else she taken away from him that he wanted back. Throwing himself at woman after woman, at the shopping centre, at the park, gym, work, in line to see a movie hoping to meet the woman who could fill this missing gap in his life. He knew he was going about it the wrong way, he knew his expectations were high and he needed to let it happen naturally but as busy as he tried to keep himself, Straw was just not a happy person. It worried him to think this might begin to reflect on the triplets. The last thing he wanted was to show them how messed up their father was feeling.
Straw tried endlessly to fill it but with every girl that threw herself at him came the same dull ache. Have fun, just relax, let it happen, he’d been told. ’Don’t go looking for it, it will come when you least expect it.’ He’d put so much hope into finding the answer in each face, each kiss, that when they did not give him the buzz he so desired Straw was left a crumpled mess all over again. Straw was not after a quick fix, although each girl seemed to replace the next, no he wanted a wife. He wanted someone to understand him, someone to be comfortable with, have a long history with, someone who gave him a buzz, someone to endlessly love him and be devoted to only him. Straw wanted the settled life, he hated dating and frankly dating was not him anymore.
And so he sat, hands fumbling with each finger as he nervously waited in the hospital waiting room. He needed help and felt stupid for admitting it. Straw was never one to openly share his emotions, that was always left for a select three. But even then it was only Kat he openly confessed his deepest secrets to and without her.. he was stuck. Straw could accept Kat was gone, he didn’t want her back but it was everything else she taken away from him that he wanted back. Throwing himself at woman after woman, at the shopping centre, at the park, gym, work, in line to see a movie hoping to meet the woman who could fill this missing gap in his life. He knew he was going about it the wrong way, he knew his expectations were high and he needed to let it happen naturally but as busy as he tried to keep himself, Straw was just not a happy person. It worried him to think this might begin to reflect on the triplets. The last thing he wanted was to show them how messed up their father was feeling.
